What is it about getting other people to understand how we feel that is so important? Why does every single person find themselves, every now and then, in a position where somebody just doesn't understand how we can see things differently to them? What is it about pushing our views on to others that is so satisfying, gratifying, amazingly pleasing?
This is something that I've been thinking about lately because it seems like no matter what I try to do, I can't seem to be able to step in another person's shoes, per se, and make them feel assured because I'm there - to listen, to comprehend and to care. All I can do is try to give them what they want to hear, or show them what they want to see, but do I really know what it's like to be them?
No.
And it's not possible to do so ever. And I feel so damn useless when someone gets disappointed by me, when they think that I'm wrong about the way I see things and when they think that I'm the one that's not accustomed to thinking the way they think, the way it's 'right' to think.
It pains me because I don't go around telling people that they should change the way they are. I don't see why people want me to listen and want my sound advice, if they're not willing to do the same. It seems like no matter how many times I tell people to try and understand me, they go off telling me that I live in my own little world, that I'm self-centered and my views are just so different from the norm as if that's a bad thing. It's my uniqueness that carries me through life. I don't want to be another sheep. How dare somebody tell me that I need to change when it's essentially this character, my judgment and personality, that attracts them to me to ask for advice in the first place.
Why do I always have to be the one that understands you? Why do I always have to be the one that has to change? Is it really so hard for you to accept my quirks and my habits? Is it really so hard for you to understand? Is it really so hard for you to change?
I never ask these questions. You are who you are and you get to be whoever you want to be. Leave me alone. I like living in my own little world. It is what makes me independent, it is what makes me interesting and it is what makes me special.
Leave me the Hell alone.
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7 comments:
I don't mean to just agree with you endlessly, but what you're saying is right. Most views are just that, different ways of looking at the same thing. Meaning that for the most part, there is no wrong attitude towards something. People are different, and so, will obviously think differently.
I try to be as understanding and sympathetic / empathetic to everyone as I can; I do tend to fail at it sometimes ;P
But I think a lot of people need to be a lot more understanding. Just because something seems incomprehensible to them does not mean that it is impossible and that they can automatically write it off.
At the risk of going down a road where people will say a lot of, well, not very nice things, there is the topic of self harm. For some people, the idea of that is so stupid, they can't understand why anyone would do it at all. But what is not possible for one person is very possible for another, and I have been there and it's a strangely easy thing to fall into...
It doesn't just mean that the person is "emo" or suicidal or really messed up, obviously there are reasons for it, but the differences between people who do self harm and those who don't are sometimes extremely minute.
Underneath none of us is incredibly different, although we are, conversely, still unique; and I think the majority of people need to remember that more.
We are still unique in that while we tend to have things in common with most other people, we won't have everything in common with another singular person. And it's this little dissimilarity that makes us each so different...
weird and I'm probs not making much sense, but I like the thought of it...
I'll stop now ;P
I hope you can find more understanding people who will properly accept you, and I know I'm just one of heaps of people always willing to listen if you should need (:
hey, i don't know if you realise, but some guy referred to something you wrote in one of his posts, his second latest at www.thedarkestcloset.blogspot.com
what you wrote really affected him...
the blog with your one word answers to questions, i remembered reading it when i came across his quote of it in his post...
INteresting what you say about people asking for advice and then not wanting to take it. So true, most people do want validation alone, so it's a dangerous game, a way to lose a friend, so be careful with honest advice. Same way with secrets. Man, if a friends spouse is cheating or something you do not want to be the one to say. They probably know already and often end up blaming or becoming angry with the friend. And if it's a woman, they usually just want us to listen. We men always try to analyze and solve a problem for them, often in all these situations the best way to think is the less said the better.
M: Thank you for understanding and connecting so deeply. I'm an extremely judgmental person, I have to admit, but I'm trying now to not come across that way. As for actually changing my character, my critical perspective will never change. I can only adjust how I come across.
Larissa: Exactly. When it's uncompromisable, it doesn't mean you should give up on trying to see the point. This goes for people that harm themselves, yes. I think I understand your point about uniqueness and difference. Thank you for kind hopes.
I do realize that he referred to my blog. I have been to his blog and left a comment.
Alan: It's the level of acceptance and trust that you have in one another that will allow or disallow you from giving honest advice without losing the friend. It's funny that you mention men and women. The tendency for a girl in my life to confuse matters was precisely the problem I was ranting about in this post. I think that the less said, the more there is that's hidden and that's bad. I guess it just depends on how honest you can be depending on your relationship.
I've found that most times people don't really want advice. They just want to complain. One thing I've tried is saying "How can I help you?" They will tell you and then you can save yourself the trouble of trying to help someone that doesn't want help. I know firsthand how frustrating that can be.
E.Michelle: Sound advice that I've taken at one time before. I've forgotten that wise word... Thank you for reminding me about that easier approach.
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