77 - Stop joking around

The picture that is my life is never pretty, but I've found out recently that I believe life is what you make it. If you view the world with a positive light, everything is better. Granted, my best friend is still a bit of an asshole, my parents are still not the best, and there are many times I find myself alone, but hey, I'm truly okay. The most important thing is that I'm okay, and that I'm happy with who I am, and when others put me down, I must brush it off my shoulder because I know I'm a good-hearted person deep inside.

I may not be donating thousands of dollars to charity, but at least I pay for my friends' drinks and taxi-rides home when they run out of cash. I may not lend my arm to the old lady who crosses the street, but I at least help drunk girls get back up on their feet when they're just about to pass out... And you know, I may not spend enough time with my family, but at least there are a lot of people who are around my age and have felt better after confiding in me, me who was able to talk to them instead of being preoccupied with my family.

And it's not like I'm not there for my parents and don't care about them at all anyway. God knows the three of us have been through a lot of shit together.

And as much as people like to say I'm the biggest gossip in the universe, I tell people things to make them understand a little bit more about other people because both parties are simply too shy, stubborn and/or insecure to get to understand each other. As much as people like to say they're so sick of me, and I'm so annoying, they always come back to me, to complain about their coworkers, their classmates, their boyfriends, their parents, their best friends, and most of all, themselves, and to share their thoughts, their feelings and their aspirations, and to share stories, to have me listen to them, to have me be there.

To be honest, I sometimes get tired of listening.

But I will always listen. I will always help people keep their chins up, give them something to look forward to, give them something to appreciate in life when everything seems so unappreciable. I don't care about my well-being. I don't care if you're using up my time, energy or money. I don't care if I don't sleep, and I don't care if there's an exam the next day, or if I want some time to rest or to be by myself. I don't care about me.

As much as they like to say I'm selfish, I truly believe they've actually just been looking in the mirror and did not like what they saw.

I'm not a bad person, and how dare you accuse me of being one sometimes, and then to cover it up by saying you were "just kidding". How dare you joke about my moral integrity, because all I ever am trying to be, every fucking minute of the day, is honest, generous, and forgiving.

I am a good person. And I am happy.

You should respect that as much as I respect you. You should stop being funny. The jokes are getting old.