95 - On being lazy

When was the last time you finished a book?

The last time I did was over a month ago, and I find that's quite a shame. There's so much to get done here at university, that you don't even realize the days are flying by. It's already nearing November, and I haven't done any studying of any kind, I haven't started on any essays, I haven't found a part-time job, and I don't know - it seems like I haven't done anything except buy food, eat the food, go to sleep, relax in my room and engage in unproductive shenanigans on the computer.

I'm going to have to start getting serious, first, by tidying up my messy room with books, papers, and food spread out all over the desk, the nightstand, the shelves and the floor. Then, take some clothes to the laundry, and iron the clothes that came out of the laundry over a week ago.

Poo.

94 - On my epiphany

I like this blog-everyday thing. I feel coerced, but I like it. I have had a few troubled thoughts today, and normally, I would take the time to reflect on it into the late hours of the night, but since I've told myself and you that I'm going to blog everyday, I am going to say something here and now. I feel like it's almost supposed to happen, and if not, I would be denying something. It feels right to blog about this, even though I usually wouldn't have. Here it goes:

There was a time in my life when I was having a fruity alcoholic beverage, while also eating spaghetti at a poolside bar. I had a book on biological anthropology next to me, but it could have easily been a crime novel, a factual book on Peruvian history, or something in the horror genre. The beach was about a minute's walk away, and the sun was beaming down on everything, from the bright red and white striped umbrellas, through the great expanse of water that formed the pool, to the couples kissing, the kids laughing, and the teenagers playing catch with a large, inflated beach ball, inside it. Thanks to said sunlit marvelousness, I was wearing sunglasses and Hawaiian-style shorts. It was pretty much paradise to me - and since that resort was aiming for that - I felt that the money I spent to go there was well worth it.

After I came back from that tropical island, I arrived back in my room in the apartment I lived in with my grandparents in Hong Kong, right in the middle of the city center, and I felt extremely heartbroken. The reason was because I was missing something, and only until today did I realize that that was taken from my heart was the warm sun, the gorgeous beach, and the relaxedness I experienced sitting by the pool with a drink in one hand, a book in the other, and delicious food laid out on a plate in front of me, with all the gorgeous sand, sea and sun nearby.

I have had an epiphany, and that is this: I want that for the rest of my life. That was my true happiness right there, and no amount of education, television, writing, clubbing, or any of the other things I've obsessed myself with in my whole life, will ever achieve that.

I want booze, books and beaches forever, and in thus realizing that, I need to do some serious thinking about what my next steps will be in achieving that, because obviously, that sort of life has to be earned.

I just find it's such a shame that the choices of made so far have led me down paths that I didn't want to go down. Getting rich and accomplished is good but it's materialistic. I want happiness from within, and that's it.

I will talk about this some more tomorrow. But for now, I think I feel better from releasing what was in my head. Until tomorrow, then, I suppose. Hooray for epiphanies. :)

93 - On guilt and innocence

I was tagged by AV, again, here, to do this thing where I have to say if I'm guilty or not of the things listed below. I find these things quite fun, and not that time-consuming at all, although, these posts of honesty usually raise a lot of questions, so they're loaded, which makes it annoying.

But, I'd be happy to respond, I guess. Here it goes:

RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.

RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone comments and asks!

RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes , delete my answers, type in your answers and tag some blogger friends to answer this.

• Asked someone to marry you? Guilty.
• Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Guilty.
• Danced on a table in a bar? Guilty.
• Ever told a lie? Guilty.
• Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty.
• Kissed a picture? Guilty.
• Slept in until 5 PM? Guilty.
• Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty.
• Held a snake? Guilty.
• Been suspended from school? Guilty.
• Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent.
• Stolen from a store? Guilty.
• Been fired from a job? Innocent.
• Done something you regret? Guilty.
• Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty.
• Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Guilty.
• Kissed in the rain? Innocent.
• Sat on a roof top? Guilty.
• Kissed someone you shouldn't? Guilty.
• Sang in the shower? Guilty.
• Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Guilty.
• Shaved your head? Innocent.
• Had a boxing membership? Innocent.
• Made a boy/girlfriend cry? Innocent.
• Been in a band? Innocent.
• Shot a gun? Innocent.
• Donated Blood? Guilty.
• Eaten alligator meat? Innocent.
• Eaten cheesecake? Guilty.
• Still love someone you shouldn't? Guilty.
• Have/had a tattoo? Innocent.
• Liked someone, but will never tell who? Guilty.
• Been too honest? Guilty.
• Ruined a surprise? Guilty.
• Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn't walk after wards? Guilty.
• Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty.
• Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Innocent.
• Joined a pageant? Innocent.
• Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty.
• Had communication with your ex? Innocent.
• Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Guilty.
• Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty.

I'm not going to tag anybody, because I feel like I haven't been blogging regularly enough to have the moral right to make others blog. Whoever wants to do it can, though. Just be sure to let me know so I can take a look at it.

92 - On blogging daily

Hello, hello,

I'm going to try and do something I've never done with this blog, and that is to try to blog daily. I have set aside a time every day (11pm-11:30pm) to just insert a little post here for some reflections on the day and a little recount of what's been going on. I feel really nice reading the daily occurrences in the lives of other, more dedicated, bloggers, and I want to try and do that too.

This weekend has been incredibly lazy, and I have done nothing but catch up on my television series and play Pokémon on my NDS. I have a lot of reading I could be doing, but you know how it is - could have, should have, would have. I know that there will be some time soon when I'll be feeling really, really proactive, and will feel like working, but this weekend just wasn't it.

As for the new anthropology blog, I need to come up with a catchy title - any ideas? I still haven't even started laying it out yet. I will get right on it soon, and with any luck, something will be up by next weekend.

Oh, which reminds me, I am going to LONDON next weekend. Which I'm very excited about. Canterbury has honestly made me feel like a hermit, who lives in a small town of hermits, and I'm just so happy to know that I'm going to be going to be hitting Londontown, visit the British Museum and Soho and all that jazz soon.

This is such a filler post, but hopefully, I'll find something to talk about tomorrow. Adios for now, I hope you've enjoyed your weekend as much as I have, be it a lazy one or not.

91 - A new blog on its way (Exciting!)

Hello everybody out there, how are you?

There are prospects for an additional blog to my current two, and I'm really excited to tell you about it right here, right now! :D

If you're not already aware, I have moved to Canterbury, England, to study anthropology, after having lived in Hong Kong for all my life. Anthropology, put simply, is the study of humanity, in terms of its origins, and the social relationships amongst human beings. It's a very interesting course, and encompasses elements of many other subjects such as history, geography, sociology, evolutionary biology, economic and political organization, linguistics, kinship, primatology, law, religion, archaeology, and many more.

For a portion of my course, I am required to keep an anthropological diary to aid me in my anthropological studies. This means that every week, I must produce some sort of updated material on what I have learned in my courses, etc...

I was thinking that perhaps I could start a blog that was strictly to do with anthropology. This would really boost my mark up because I know that a lot of people in my course aren't accustomed to keeping anything blog-like in nature regularly. I hope to find something interesting about different cultures every week, and hopefully, by showing you something about a different social group every week, we will all gain something from this exchange. (I am also going to be pressurizing myself even more to work harder at my blogging everyday. I need the pressure. Pressure, pressure, pressure, come to Papa~)

(That was weird.)

I must thank one person before I start checking out all of your fantastic blogs, though, and that person is Argentum Vulgaris, who has had a part in inspiring me to actually do this with his blog, Tomus Arcanum. Every time I go on that blog, I always find something there about various societies and cultures, especially when I dig deep into his archives - he also has Astray in a Latin World, Paused in Peru, and Beyond Bolivia - great blogs strictly on South American people, all of which I also am inspired by.

I think that's enough for now. I will hopefully release my new blog within the next two weeks. There will be stuff on the Neanderthals, orangutans and gorillas, gruesome diseases and cancers, commonalities amongst all human beings (there aren't that many!), genetic drift, different spiritual beliefs that stretch from the Australian Aboriginals, through the dozens of different Indian faiths, to the Congolese communities that believe in witchcraft and spirits of nature.

It's going to be great!

90 - A chance at love

University is a whole mess of food, drugs, music, sex, relationships, friends and strangers, laughter and tears, kissing and drinking, dancing and groping, randomness, and a little four-letter word, namely Love. It happens rapidly, it happens to just about anyone, it happens everywhere we go, especially in university where all of us have left our homes and our respective high schools, to have a great time, to take hold of the responsibility of taking care of ourselves, and to find what makes us happy - whether it's in terms of our academic interests, the clubs and activities we have a desire to participate in, the careers we have dreamed of all our lives and finally are able to pursue, and of course, the chance to discover like-minded people in an environment that's specifically designed and used for an integrated timetable of education, employment and entertainment, together amongst a diverse deluge of young, passionate, and fun-loving people, from around the world.

Finding like-minded people can be an intricate process for a lot of people. Some people have no problem falling into the arms of another upon meeting them, the fantasy story of love at first sight compels them to simply let loose, float about, and allow the tide of love and life to wash them away wherever the current may bring them.

But for me, it is something of difficulty. It takes a lot of time for me to learn to trust someone. It takes some time for me to get used to people before I can begin to like them. I haven't found someone here after two weeks, but it seems like almost everybody else has paired up already, leaving me the sole soldier on the peripheries of the social circles. I know this is because I am simply not daring enough to take the initiative, to ask people for their names, numbers and perhaps a bit of background.

I wonder all the time, why this has always been the case - why I am not interested in others at first, and I've realized that it is because I like getting the attention first. It makes me self-centered, an attention-seeking kind of guy, and it sort of sucks because I'll never find anyone to be with as long as I retain this problematic attitude.

But I want to be given a chance to be in a relationship with somebody. It has been so long since I have been, and I wonder if it has changed. I love the feeling of devotion, and the pride in being somebody's #1, in being loyal, in being one of a pair, in being ______ and Michael together.

I hate seeing everybody getting Facebook-married, I hate seeing them hold hands, I hate hearing them have sex at night, I hate feeling intrusive and out of place when I'm in the company of a couple.

It's going to take some time for me to readjust my position in social interactions, but I've got to make myself a more approachable and gutsy man before I can be deemed dateable. I've got to stop being so self-involved, if I ever am going to get that chance of experiencing falling in love with someone successfully again.

89 - What's my plan?

To be honest, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with a bachelor's degree in anthropology when I am awarded with it three years from now (with a specialization in European anthropology at that, by the way - it's a fancy course). About a year ago, I was pretty sure that this choice I made would contribute to a certain dream I had when I was a kid. I've said before that I want to be a top-class forensic anthropologist in the future, I've said I wanted to start my own homemade-style-of-cooking restaurant when I turn 21, I've said I wanted to go on a trip around the world with my best friend when I'm 25, and be sure to hit every single country on the planet while I'm at it. I've said before that I want to start settling down with someone when I'm roughly 28, have a kid or two before I'm 30, all the while keeping to my studies in English language, physiotherapy, and philosophy, while also working a full-time job as a forensic science anthropologist, maybe part-time teaching English, biology, or psychology. In addition to that, I will still have that restaurant, and by the time I'm 40, I will have opened up a café, a bar, a deli, and a nightclub, as well. As my kids start considering colleges while I'm roughly 45, I will already have a PhD in forensic science, and a handful of other qualifications in biological and social anthropology, English language, and business management. Even though it will be a high mountain to climb when I'm nearing 50, I will finally take up a medicine course, a dream I had since I was 15 but knew I didn't have the time, money or mindset to accomplish until I was much older. I will specialize in psychology, and have experience in pediatrics, Chinese medicine, neurology and mental health by the time I'm 60. Soon after I attain my second PhD, in psychology, I will leave my responsibilities at the hospital somewhere before 65 years old. I will be the owner of a dozen dining and drinking venues by then, I will reignite the candle that is my passion for travel, and I will continue to contribute to the world by enlightening those who wish to be talked to, at universities, hospitals, schools of business, private offices, high schools, medical schools, museums, libraries, and in lecture halls, classrooms, and anthropological, biological, psychological, and social research facilities, all over the US and the UK, Switzerland, Germany, Canada, China, Australia, Russia, and my childhood home, Hong Kong.

That is the brief plan that I've had in my head for a long time, and it feels good to have it all condensed into a paragraph as shown above, for my own reference, for my own reflection, for my own guidance, because it's a very big dream - a very, very, big dream that I'm now looking at as I sit here, barely started with my undergraduate course, at the beginning of my adulthood, at the beginning of the long lines of education and career that I will have when I die, and I'm now asking myself: How am I supposed to start a restaurant when I'm 21, and what am I supposed to do with a bachelor's degree in anthropology? How am I supposed to make my next step?

I will not accept advice from others, telling me that I'm still young, that I shouldn't think so much about the future because I will be disappointed, because I can never live in the moment, because it's unhealthy, and obsessive, and way over my head. I will not take suggestions from others, telling me that I should tone down my aspirations, because they're too big for me to handle. I will be sure to pace myself, and I will think about it as long and as seriously as I have to, to make sure this brief outline of my entire life for the next fifty years becomes my reality.

Now that that's understood, I would just like to confess that right now, I have no idea how to answer those two questions up there. That's all I'm saying - I'm slightly confused now. But I guess that's why it's a good thing that I have quite a while 'til I turn 21 and graduate with that anthropology degree, 'til I must pick a direction in which to steer.

Life is short, and life is long, life is what you make of it, and to live every second of it like it's your last is recommended. That's my uncouth, prosaic, and admittedly befuddling conclusion to this rambling for now.

What about you? Got any big plans for the future?

88 - University is nice

University life is not that radically different from the life I led back in Hong Kong. My friends all tell me how great it is to finally live beyond the smothering, overly restrictive hold of their parents, how wonderful it finally is to be free. But I've always had kind of a free lifestyle (whether that's a good or bad thing is unclear), so I don't really feel much change. I've always been able to do whatever I want, eat what I want, make friends with whoever I want, without anybody ever telling me what I should or shouldn't do.

This makes my journey of life a big trial-and-error process. That's the way I don't necessarily prefer to live my life - simply, it is the way I have done so, to feel accomplished after logically working out a suitable solution to my problems, and to feel humbled and enlightened when my thought-up solution turns out to be not that suitable.

So far, I have been eating a lot of microwave meals and junk food in the past two weeks. Whenever I sense a sore throat coming, I purchase a ready-to-eat, dielectrically heatable soup - which should be healthier, and good for my throat. I drink it, and the soreness wears away. Laundry has been easy, I've just followed the instructions on the box - no white clothes coming out colored is a WIN for me. Ironing has gone successfully as well - thanks to instructions and tutorials on Youtube and DIY websites that I simply Googled. And lecture theaters have been easy to locate. I was always good at reading maps. And having a good directional sense in the absence of one.

Life is nice. I decide what I eat. I'm learning what I want to learn. I truly have my own room, which I decorate and keep clean myself. I join the clubs and societies I have a passion for. I might get a part-time job soon - bartending or waiting, of course. I have so much time to do whatever I want, to read, to watch television series and review them, to write, to explore this new place, and to just think to myself - there has been a lot of time to myself. This amount of independence is certainly a step above what I had in Hong Kong.

And it feels incredibly good.