62 - I'm bored.

I realize I haven't been visiting anybody's blogs for two weeks now. I'll get back to it soon, I just don't have much of a mood these days. I'm really bored, and I wish I had more money to go out but it's costly. This holiday sucks...

When other people tell me they're bored, I tell them a story, ask them if they want to go see a movie, have dinner, or go to the library with me. I talk to them for hours on the phone, perhaps, and I manage to entertain them until they find something to occupy themselves with finally, or until they're tired and want to go to sleep.

The sad thing is that I don't get any satisfaction out of it. I've served my 'duty' as friend or family, but I guess making another person happy just isn't enough to make me happy.

I'm not altruistic at all. I'm a big egoist, and a big egotist, and I'm a selfish brat. What's an egomaniac to do when society demands politeness, sincerity and generosity from him?

He is to say, and do, all the right things for others. He is to tell others what they want to hear to reassure them, comfort them, to put across a message of 'someone really cares about you.' He is to tell others, based on his own knowledge and experience, what he thinks others can do to improve their lives, or their relationships with others, by tactfully injecting confidence, courage, and the like, into their heads. He is to ask others, for favors or the occasional question, to feed their egos, and make them feel knowledgeable, wanted and needed. He is to help others accomplish their dreams, and perform their errands, in order to make their lives go by more efficiently, happily, or in a more worthwhile way.

All of this is, of course, if the guy wants to be accepted within his community despite being egocentric.

Yes, I'm bored. I really want to go somewhere, but I don't want to ask for other people's money, and I don't want to have to ask for other people's time and company.

Oh, well. Maybe I'll go paint a self-portrait or write my autobiography or something... The ego is a funny thing, ain't it?

45 - Grumblegrumblegrumble

I'm getting a little bit sick and tired of feeling this way, being uninspired to write in my own blogs and uninterested in reading others. I bought this new toy yesterday, a Nintendo DS to all you who know what that is, it's cool, I can play my games, but I don't want to talk about it, not that I don't enjoy it, I just don't feel like sharing right now. Things are fine with my family, things are actually great with my mother and my aunts. I don't know why I feel so damn bored. I'm not having any problems with girls, I have no problems with guys, I have great friends and I talk to them so regularly, but damnit, I'm so bored, I'm so tired, I don't want to do anything, I'm not in the mood to do anything, I don't know what I want, I don't know what I need to motivate me to come back to life, to pull back the good ol' dramatic, overly expressive, hyperactive Michael. It's not a drink I need, it's not an outing with my friends, it's not spending a day with my family, it's not indulging myself with online poker, my Pokemon games, my books, my blogs or poetry, I don't need to immerse myself in friendly conversation, good food, magazines, Youtube, Neopets, news and politics or television. I just know it's not those things, but I don't know, I don't know what I want... I hate it when this happens because everything I love to surround myself with annoys the crap out of me, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I think I should go out for a while, find inspiration for my blogs, find something. I need winter to go away so I can go to the beach...