128 - One in a million

Hello, fine peoples. As you know, yesterday was Valentine's Day, a day I don't at all celebrate. I would really love to, but I simply can't afford the effort, time or money to dress up all fancy-pants and bring a girl out for a dinner and a romcom and a nice stroll in the park. Honestly, that is my thing, but I can't do my thing because I'm not that bothered to do my thing. I always wonder about what love is exactly - who it will come in the form of.

I'm not talking about family members or friends, I'm talking about that hot, yet gooey stuff, the passionate lovin' and the holding hands, the heated arguments and the great amount of compromise that covers each and every decision you make, the public displays of affection and the private talks on the telephone late at night, the girlfriendness and the bitchness, the boyfriendness and the jerkness, the good and the bad, the phenomenon known as a relationship.

I'm not sure a lot of people will admit this with me, but in my lifetime, I have had mild to wild crushes on hundreds of people, ranging from celebrities to classmates at school, people I see on the streets and in line queuing for the bus, cartoon characters, friends, friends of friends, friends of family, people at work, people in restaurants and supermarkets, people who I sit next to on the train, people I meet on forums, even a blogger or two...

Now, that doesn't make me sound too good, but I mean, I'm willing to bet good money on the fact that all of you have or have had these crushes on people, and I'm counting the mildest, smallest forms of attraction here. It's in our human nature to bond together, so what's so shameful about admitting it, really? The difference that affects your life unlike other people's is how willing you are to take the extra step to pursue these attractions. I know people who prefer to be alone, people who don't like being alone but are too shy, people who are fine being in a monogamous relationship, people in couples who don't wish to be, some who even venture to have two or more partners at the same time...

Recently, I've come to the conclusion that I may have found somebody I want to take that extra step with. For five or six years now, I've been pushing that idea away, and I haven't really wanted to be with anyone deep in my heart for that long. It's very rare for me. I guess I have trust issues, and issues with not judging people - but I've come to really trust and appreciate this person in particular... I think she's perfect for me. So, here's my opportunity to take that extra step, that chance.

Why not?

61 - The One.

Here's a poem I wrote three years ago. Now that I've grown up a bit and have studied a fair bit of poetry at school and in my own time, I now know that the masterpieces I thought I had written were, in actual fact, crap. This is because I always had this problem of thinking everything had to rhyme. But anyway, I wrote this one after I got rejected by someone I had unrealistic feelings for. Oh, stupid teenage angst...

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You're the one I saw.
You're the one I met.
You're the one I laughed at.
You're the one I kept.

You're the one I talked to.
You're the one I laughed with.
You're the one I sat next to.
You're the one I ate with.

You're the one I walked beside.
You're the one I played with.
You're the one I really liked.
You're the one I studied with.

You're the one I read to.
You're the one I wrote to.
You're the one I trusted.
You're the one I listened to.

You're the one I texted.
You're the one I cared about.
You're the one I needed.
You're the one I wanted

You're the one I fell for.
And you're the one I loved.

You're the one that made me happy.
You're the one that made me believe.
You're the one that made me excited.
You're the one that made me leap.
You're the one that made me take a risk.
You're the one that made me confess.
You're the one that made me regretful.
You're the one that left me clueless.

You're the one that made me sorry.
You're the one that made me sad.
You're the one that made me lonely.
You're the one that made me mad.
You're the one that made me vengeful.
You're the one that made me lonely.
You're the one that gave me doubts in my mind
if you were the one and only.

You're the one that saw right through me.
You're the one that just noticed.
You're the one that heard about me.
You're the one that just got pissed.

You're the one that no longer talked to me.
You're the one that blocked me out.
You're the one that pretended to laugh
while I cried my sorry heart out.

You're the one that walked away.
And you're the one that stopped calling.
You're the one that stopped talking.
You're the one that stopped trying.

Now, you're the one that I see right through.
Now, you're the one that I'm going to leave.
Now, you're the one that I don't care for.
and you're the one that I don't believe.

Now, you're the one that I don't want.
Now, you're the one that I won't laugh with.
Now, you're the one that I won't listen to.
Now, you're the one that I won't put up with.

Now, you're the one that I won't care about.
Now, you're the one that I don't care for.
Now, you're the one that I'm so sick of.
Now, you're the one that I must ignore.

I'm tired of stressing out every night
after each silence and every fight.
I'm sick of you being The One in all of the above.
It's over, I give up, you've lost my love.