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I'm not talking about family members or friends, I'm talking about that hot, yet gooey stuff, the passionate lovin' and the holding hands, the heated arguments and the great amount of compromise that covers each and every decision you make, the public displays of affection and the private talks on the telephone late at night, the girlfriendness and the bitchness, the boyfriendness and the jerkness, the good and the bad, the phenomenon known as a relationship.
I'm not sure a lot of people will admit this with me, but in my lifetime, I have had mild to wild crushes on hundreds of people, ranging from celebrities to classmates at school, people I see on the streets and in line queuing for the bus, cartoon characters, friends, friends of friends, friends of family, people at work, people in restaurants and supermarkets, people who I sit next to on the train, people I meet on forums, even a blogger or two...
Now, that doesn't make me sound too good, but I mean, I'm willing to bet good money on the fact that all of you have or have had these crushes on people, and I'm counting the mildest, smallest forms of attraction here. It's in our human nature to bond together, so what's so shameful about admitting it, really? The difference that affects your life unlike other people's is how willing you are to take the extra step to pursue these attractions. I know people who prefer to be alone, people who don't like being alone but are too shy, people who are fine being in a monogamous relationship, people in couples who don't wish to be, some who even venture to have two or more partners at the same time...
Recently, I've come to the conclusion that I may have found somebody I want to take that extra step with. For five or six years now, I've been pushing that idea away, and I haven't really wanted to be with anyone deep in my heart for that long. It's very rare for me. I guess I have trust issues, and issues with not judging people - but I've come to really trust and appreciate this person in particular... I think she's perfect for me. So, here's my opportunity to take that extra step, that chance.
Why not?
I want to start a new segment on this blog dedicated to some of the people that I have met in my life, because I feel like I've really met a lot of different ones, and they have influenced my life in some way. Haven't you ever suddenly thought about someone in your past that you no longer see or talk to?
Well, I want to showcase some of these people, and they may or may not be that interesting to you, but let's see.
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Amanda was the first person I've ever had feelings for.
I was five years old at the time, and I first laid my eyes on her on the morning of Monday, 2nd September, 1996, my first day of primary school. She was Filipino or Spanish or from the Carribbean, I don't know which, but that was the vibe I got from her at such a young age. She had the same haircut as the woman on the right, but didn't actually look anything like Catherine Zeta-Jones.
She was cute as a button, with big, brown, bright eyes. Her nose was small, cheeks big, just cute in general. Cute, cute, cute.
I don't know her surname. But the thing I liked about her was that she was smart. You see, I was quite an inquisitive kid at the time and the only books I read were non-fiction, and I read about space, and the human body, animals and dinosaurs, history and geography, even a little science.
There was one time when our teacher sat us all down in a circle, and I sat down next to Amanda. Our teacher asked us to share with the class one thing we did in the weekend, but we could only speak if we were holding a little purple elephant in our hands.
I knew it wasn't actually an elephant. When our teacher was introducing this purple 'elephant' to us, I watched as Amanda immediately raised her hand, and said, "that's a woolly mammoth, Miss Harrison, not an elephant". Our teacher responded with, "well, let's just pretend this is an elephant for a while, okay, Amanda?", and Amanda nodded obediently at this.
I knew it wasn't an elephant, too. I knew it from all the dinosaur books I read. And I loved that Amanda and I were both clever, and I liked her. I liked her because she knew it wasn't an elephant. I liked her because she was cute. And anyways, 'Amanda' is such a lovely name.
When my first year of primary school ended, I never saw her again.
But I hope she's doing good out there in the world, whether she's still cute or clever or not. I probably wouldn't be able to recognize her if she passed me on the street... twelve years can change a person's appearance quite a bit, especially when you go from being a child to a teenager.
But ah, well, life is funny like that. People come in, then they leave you sometimes.
In retrospect, to be accurate, it was actually a purple mastodon.
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