85 - I knew a girl called Jade.

There was a time when I had the chance to date this beautiful girl six years ago. She was Australian-Chinese, and we initially met in our first year of high school. When you spoke to her for the first time, you would know in your mind to place her in the 'cool' clique at school. She simply had that charm about her, in the fragrance of her hair, the apparent sincerity of her smile, the chipmunky cheerfulness of her voice, her whole aura, a kind of biological femininity that was especially crafted for luring male companions, for enticing men, but her kindliness and immediate congeniality not necessarily indicative of you two strangers turning into friends, or becoming something more.

I, on the other hand, went into high school open-minded, and lacking any predetermined social standing. I was one of those kids that had the potential to end up a studious nerd, a lonesome bully, a suicidal emo kid, a regular Joe, a friendly Tom, an outrageously gay socialite, a muscular jock, or one of those guys that are just as clingy as their girlfriends and that never hang out with anyone else because both members of the relationship are too mutually preoccupied with having to attend to each other's needs and wants every minute of every day.

It was conceivable for me to be that last guy - to end up with that gorgeous-looking girl, to hang out with her and her two younger brothers all the time on yachts and on beaches, surfing, building sand castles, summering with her family on the coast of Maui, Costa Rica or Cebu, to make out during romantic movies and feed each other popcorn, to hold hands as we walked through the school corridors and sat in classrooms, unafraid of displaying our sick, mushy love for each other, to have amazing secret sex in parks and on rooftops that would make anybody jealous if they heard about it, to curl up next to a fireplace on long winter nights, playing Monopoly, drinking hot cocoa and exchanging funny anecdotes, or perhaps sharing our thoughts on what life would be like if it were drastically different from the one we were living...

Despite all the images I could conjure up now, it isn't the way it turned out. The details aren't necessary for you to know (as I am ashamed of said details), but in the end, Jade and I (and everybody else) all attribute the non-existence of this relationship in history to my own foolishness. This could-have-been pairing is just one of those situations that belongs in dreams and alternate realities.

38 - I'm not a boy but I still had fun today

I'm not very good at being a boy. I'm a guy that loves to hug, hold hands, talk on the phone and take long walks on the beach at night. I love passing judgment on fashion, food, acting, writing, literature, celebrities and, of course, others (That means I'm a gossip). I don't like sports like rugby, football and basketball. I don't know anything about guns except for what a pistol, a rifle, a machine gun and a shotgun each look like generally. I have no clue when it comes to cars and their stats either, aside from the different brand names and where each car company has its headquarters. When it comes to games, in general, gore, blood, shooting, violence is fine with me, good and intriguing, in fact, but I have very particular taste and I don't turn on my XBOX a lot. (In case any of you game, I like Burnout, Halo and Fifa. And yes, that's all.)

That's not to say I don't have any boyish qualities. I'm a gentleman who holds the door open and tucks in a lady's chair on formal occasions. I work out, and can lift most heavy objects. I pay way too much attention to my hair. I love meat in any form, cooked in any way. I love making the fire for a good old-fashioned barbecue (well, I can usually make a better fire than anyone else). I love to go bowling, play golf and shoot some pool. I used to get into some really bad fights with boys, and I'm sorry to say that I resort to violence when people push my buttons hard. I get mad, I'm unreasonable at times and I'm selfish. But, at least I respect my mother (most of the time) and I am practically an older brother to my three cousins. I hang out with a bunch of dudes in school. Girls have had crushes on me and I have fallen in deep, deep love with girls before too. This duality in my personality is definitely a result of my bisexuality.

Anyway, so, today, we had two hours of basketball for Sports. I used to be in the basketball team a few years ago but that's all. I'm very good at scoring long-range baskets (freakin' insane at them), but I am utter crap at everything else. My dribbling was awkward. I didn't look before I passed. I ran offside twice in just five seconds.

However, there are two guys in my class that treated me like one of their own (they were on the team for four years) and they gave me a few pointers. I was able to try hard, bring back what I learned from being in the team, and have a lot of fun. I typically would hate basketball, but damn, I was a guy today. We played some games and I scored seven baskets. I ran around, I shoved the opponent without appearing like I was committing a foul, I had more testosterone pumped through me than I've ever had in years.

My days have been good for nearly two weeks now. I'm thankful for that and 2009 is getting off to a good start.