90 - A chance at love

University is a whole mess of food, drugs, music, sex, relationships, friends and strangers, laughter and tears, kissing and drinking, dancing and groping, randomness, and a little four-letter word, namely Love. It happens rapidly, it happens to just about anyone, it happens everywhere we go, especially in university where all of us have left our homes and our respective high schools, to have a great time, to take hold of the responsibility of taking care of ourselves, and to find what makes us happy - whether it's in terms of our academic interests, the clubs and activities we have a desire to participate in, the careers we have dreamed of all our lives and finally are able to pursue, and of course, the chance to discover like-minded people in an environment that's specifically designed and used for an integrated timetable of education, employment and entertainment, together amongst a diverse deluge of young, passionate, and fun-loving people, from around the world.

Finding like-minded people can be an intricate process for a lot of people. Some people have no problem falling into the arms of another upon meeting them, the fantasy story of love at first sight compels them to simply let loose, float about, and allow the tide of love and life to wash them away wherever the current may bring them.

But for me, it is something of difficulty. It takes a lot of time for me to learn to trust someone. It takes some time for me to get used to people before I can begin to like them. I haven't found someone here after two weeks, but it seems like almost everybody else has paired up already, leaving me the sole soldier on the peripheries of the social circles. I know this is because I am simply not daring enough to take the initiative, to ask people for their names, numbers and perhaps a bit of background.

I wonder all the time, why this has always been the case - why I am not interested in others at first, and I've realized that it is because I like getting the attention first. It makes me self-centered, an attention-seeking kind of guy, and it sort of sucks because I'll never find anyone to be with as long as I retain this problematic attitude.

But I want to be given a chance to be in a relationship with somebody. It has been so long since I have been, and I wonder if it has changed. I love the feeling of devotion, and the pride in being somebody's #1, in being loyal, in being one of a pair, in being ______ and Michael together.

I hate seeing everybody getting Facebook-married, I hate seeing them hold hands, I hate hearing them have sex at night, I hate feeling intrusive and out of place when I'm in the company of a couple.

It's going to take some time for me to readjust my position in social interactions, but I've got to make myself a more approachable and gutsy man before I can be deemed dateable. I've got to stop being so self-involved, if I ever am going to get that chance of experiencing falling in love with someone successfully again.

78 - I am 18.

Saturday, 30th May, 2009 - I turned 18.

It's funny how I receive phones and iPods, books and DVD's, ties and T-shirts, game consoles, laptops and electric guitars for my birthdays and for Christmas. It's funny how my father treats me to $84 oysters, and how my mother has bought me a fortune worth of food over the years. It's funny how I don't have to pay my aunts any money when playing mahjong, even though I should at times when I play abysmally. It's funny how my uncles offer me a glass of wine, or a can of beer, at family reunions. And it's funny how my cousins always want me to join them in playing Halo or football.

Thus are the benefits of being young.

I love eating in excessive amounts without getting fat, and I love sleeping in on Saturday mornings without many commitments to attend to. I always feel so energetic, yet so relaxed. I want to learn things in an unbelievable number of fields. I have such a passion for everything, and I care so deeply about the people around me. I love you guys hard. And you guys are the best. Thus are the benefits of having a young mind, and of having a big, young heart.

Eighteen years in Hong Kong, and eighteen years of being alive, has had its amount of turmoil, but through it all, I have sustained an honest relationship with my mother, a friendship with my father, and have had a lot of good times with the rest of my family, and proud of that, I am. I have met a lot of different people along the way. I've shaken their hands, and I've learned their names, and I've found common, as well as disparate, ground with all of them. I may have held their hair back as they regurgitated their alcohol, I may have felt envious of their looks, or their fortune, or their love lives, and I may have seen something malicious within a select few of them, but altogether, the motto that applies here is "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger".

What an experience it all has been. I remember having lunch near those tennis courts, and sunbathing in the sun, and running around on grass and astroturf, with my friends. I remember all the late-night talks on the phone and online, the many heart-to-heart conversations shared after dinners. I remember the fun we had in the rain, and in the ocean, on islands, and on boats, and on suspension from school. I remember the bus rides together, as well as the roller coaster rides, and dancing in the clubs, which always was a different sort of ride altogether. I remember all of your comments on my blogs, I remember your comments on my life, I remember your comments on my naturally modelesque walk, my 'nice arms', my erratic accent, my 'thing' where I say I know what you're talking about when I actually don't, my humor (or lack thereof), your comments on my weirdness, my selfishness, my honesty, and my infamous two moles - I really remember it all.

It has been eventful.

But when we move on, all activity aside, what I will miss the most are your memorable faces and your distinct voices, your ageless smiles and your recognizable laughter, your fascinating stories, your ever-changing feelings and your thought-provoking philosophies.

I hope the comedy and the conversation can both continue to exist in my adult life, as we move on together as friends and family. I say, let's make that effort, 'cause it would be a shame to throw away the bonds that we have made. It's what I have wished for my birthday.

And so to end, my lovely people, I'm quite impressed with myself.

It's incredible. I would think a person like me would have given up along the way by now.

But, it's really all happening.

I'm 18.

And I'm going to uni.

:)

One of those people: Amanda

I want to start a new segment on this blog dedicated to some of the people that I have met in my life, because I feel like I've really met a lot of different ones, and they have influenced my life in some way. Haven't you ever suddenly thought about someone in your past that you no longer see or talk to?

Well, I want to showcase some of these people, and they may or may not be that interesting to you, but let's see.

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Amanda was the first person I've ever had feelings for.

I was five years old at the time, and I first laid my eyes on her on the morning of Monday, 2nd September, 1996, my first day of primary school. She was Filipino or Spanish or from the Carribbean, I don't know which, but that was the vibe I got from her at such a young age. She had the same haircut as the woman on the right, but didn't actually look anything like Catherine Zeta-Jones.

She was cute as a button, with big, brown, bright eyes. Her nose was small, cheeks big, just cute in general. Cute, cute, cute.

I don't know her surname. But the thing I liked about her was that she was smart. You see, I was quite an inquisitive kid at the time and the only books I read were non-fiction, and I read about space, and the human body, animals and dinosaurs, history and geography, even a little science.

There was one time when our teacher sat us all down in a circle, and I sat down next to Amanda. Our teacher asked us to share with the class one thing we did in the weekend, but we could only speak if we were holding a little purple elephant in our hands.

I knew it wasn't actually an elephant. When our teacher was introducing this purple 'elephant' to us, I watched as Amanda immediately raised her hand, and said, "that's a woolly mammoth, Miss Harrison, not an elephant". Our teacher responded with, "well, let's just pretend this is an elephant for a while, okay, Amanda?", and Amanda nodded obediently at this.

I knew it wasn't an elephant, too. I knew it from all the dinosaur books I read. And I loved that Amanda and I were both clever, and I liked her. I liked her because she knew it wasn't an elephant. I liked her because she was cute. And anyways, 'Amanda' is such a lovely name.

When my first year of primary school ended, I never saw her again.

But I hope she's doing good out there in the world, whether she's still cute or clever or not. I probably wouldn't be able to recognize her if she passed me on the street... twelve years can change a person's appearance quite a bit, especially when you go from being a child to a teenager.

But ah, well, life is funny like that. People come in, then they leave you sometimes.

In retrospect, to be accurate, it was actually a purple mastodon.