So, today, I got five essays back. They averaged pretty well, but as you can tell by me not divulging the exact details, they weren't stellar either. For some reason, I generally believe that I'm chilled about school and grades and that stuff, but when it comes time to actually take a look at what marks I received, it genuinely elates me when I achieve well, and when authoritative figures compliment me, and it truly upsets me when I see a grade that's lower than I expected, and an evaluation that dresses down my effort and the quality of my work.
My best friend and I always say that these things don't matter to us, but from my perspective (don't know about him), I know I'm sort of in denial. I really would like to appreciate the finer things in life... generosity of spirit, the beauty of nature, the love that stems from family, the sacred bond of friendship, the splendor of the great, wide world...
But cash in my pocket, numbers and letters on a sheet of paper, and loud, techno music playing in clubs full of drunken girls and preying old men, actually evoke feelings within me. I care about these things, even though I know it's not that 'spiritually'... 'up there'.
Oh, well. I guess I'm superficial.
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