67 - I'm shutting this blog down.

For personal reasons, I've decided to take this blog down. I wanted a blog where I could really be honest, but it turns out that there were too many people in my real-life prying into my thoughts and feelings. Through this blog, I have unexpectedly discovered that I actually want my private life to be more private than I first thought a couple of months ago.

I didn't really mean for this to be anyone's entertainment, but apparently, mine is a blog that manages to as a matter of course. I appreciate all the comments you've all given each of my posts, for the followship, for the support, care and ideas you've given me while I've been writing in this one. I have already closed my television one as well, since I wasn't writing too much in it. I'm really sorry for having to do this, but I must go back to my blogging beginnings where it was just Do you hate it too? I believe it would make me feel a whole lot better about blogging.

I'll take this down at the end of the month. Take care, everyone - my e-mail's always on my profile for you to write to if you'd like.

64 - I quit drinking.

Alcohol and I don't mix well. It brings me down (as a depressant should). Under the influence of alcohol, I'm just incapable of looking on the bright side of things. I'm unable to cheer people up, to give them good advice like I would if I were sober. After a few shots, my mind is just lost in confusion, my heart full of fear.

Someone yesterday told me that they saw a lot of sadness in my eyes. I worry about that because I don't think it's possible to tell if someone's sad by looking into their eyes.

I've been thinking a lot about who I want to be in the future. I've been thinking a lot about who I am now.

Going out drinking and clubbing and partying was never my thing. I always used to power through it, and force myself to drink a range of bitter tasting beverages. I don't know how to dance. I don't like how sweaty I get from bopping up and down after gulping down liters of beer. I don't like margaritas either, my allegedly favorite drink. I hate how vodka makes my throat feel dry. Tequilla and gin are no better. I dislike the taste of spirits mixed with anything. Olives are mushy and bland. And I am sick of picking at mixed nuts.

I've been cheating myself, and others, into thinking I do this sort of thing. I've been tricking myself for a long time.

And yesterday, after drinking a bit, I thought about what I want to be when I grow up.

And the one thing I don't want to grow up to be is my father, and if there's anything he's notorious for, it's his drinking habits. My experiences in the past three or four years have shown me that no good can come out of consuming alcohol. It has always, always depressed me, leaving me saddened at the end of the night.

So, as of today, I quit. I'm going to be sober, at least for a while. There will be no exceptions whatsoever, my birthday, my graduation, nothing. It won't be easy, and I'll need people to back me up on this and support me, because I now know a ton of people around me that have just begun to love drinking or already do. I just hope everyone can get behind me on this, and won't apply peer pressure on to me and make me break my self-promise.

Really, my head has had enough headaches, my throat has had enough of that toxic substance trickling through it. I hate it, and I've had enough.

As of today, I quit drinking.

I quit drinking.