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In two days, my mother is coming from Hong Kong to visit me here in the UK. We're planning to head up to Edinburgh for a couple of days, and booking tickets and accommodation for us has been mentally taxing. In the past few days, I've been trying to research and brainstorm all the things we could do in Scotland and in Kent, and I'm just very, very tired now. You would think that her going to visit one of her old students in Exeter for two days would help lessen the burden, but I actually have a test the day after she comes back. My break-from-Mom gone, just like that. In the next month, I'm also planning to meet up with two of my closest friends, three times, separately, in London. I have two essays due and a lot of computer stuff to do too. I've also had to search for accommodation for next year, and it's been a complete nightmare so far...
I actually have plans to open up another blog... on the 15th of February in fact. On top of getting that ready, I also have to prepare posts on this blog and Do you hate it too? for each day that I'm with my mother, from the 10th to the 20th. It's all just snowballed, and it's all really, really, really working me hard, but I just have to power through it, I guess.
There are two times during the year that have notoriously been very busy times for me. One is around February/March, the other is around May/June. Every year during these times, I'm so, so stressed out and I just cannot feel relaxed. In the past, there have been plays to perform, examinations to take, orals to do, 4,000-word essays to hand in, presentations, reports, and so many birthdays and anniversaries to attend...
I'm so tired. These two times of the year I always see coming my way, but I never have any defense set up to protect myself from it. This year, it's going to change - it has to change. I need to quickly pick up my efficiency so that I can deal with things faster and more effectively, hence prevent stressing myself out during these times again.
And now, I'm a little bit hungry.
Okay, actually, I'm very hungry. So I'm going to go make some pasta. Toodles.
At some point in time a number of years ago, I had a friend who had a falling out with me over my arrogance and immaturity. I confess to this, it was all my fault, and I see it now. I was obsessed with popularity. I was a bully. I was unreflective, inconsiderate, racist, sexist, stuck up, and spoiled, not just in terms of money, but also when it came to the friends and family I, at the time, didn't realize I had to treasure.
This ex-friend of mine also writes a blog, and I check in on it every other day to get an update on his life. Whether he reads mine, or whether he knows I read his, I don't know. And I don't think I'll find out any time soon.
Unsurprisingly, we still share the same mutual friends. We were a tight group back in the day. Four guys, four girls, not necessarily a spider web of eight mutual bonds, but altogether, fairly harmonious, chill, fun company.
I find it kind of weird when my closest friends tell me about him, how he said this in a conversation the other day, or how they're going to meet up with him tomorrow. I feel a bit weird reading about his life without talking to him otherwise. I think it's weird just thinking about him.
For a long time, I've been thinking about meeting a blogger in real-life. I have a feeling that day's not far.
But here I am in a different situation. I knew this guy in real-life. And now I know him only through his blog.
It's getting to the time of the year where it really is a true testament to how dedicated I really am with my blogging. I said I would write in all my blogs regularly, but the simple fact of the matter is - inspiration and creativity only comes to you in patches, for only certain times in a given day, week, month, year, or point in your life. There's also the added matter of having to live with a billion others things to do as well. Oh, the perilous life of university murders my soul...
I find that I'm feeling really writery (writerish?) right now, so I think the only way I'm ever going to manage getting something published frequently on all three of my current blogs, is if I just prepare posts beforehand right here, right now, as I feel imaginative, innovative, prolific with ideas.
Don't you think that's so smart?
I think it's genius. But whether I'm going to get distracted while I'm in the middle of writing this upcoming week's posts is an issue of concern. Oh, well. Let's see what happens.
Well, it's been a very long day, but I have nobody to blame but myself, because I chose to wake up at around two in the morning. I could've gone back to sleep, but instead, I decided I would finish off my new blog, get a Twitter account for Do you hate it too?, one for myself, and also create a fan page on Facebook. I also did some reading on conducting ethnographic research in past civilizations - it proved to be difficult to stay awake, but it's now more than eighteen hours later, and I'm still here.
For most of the day, I was feeling scared inside.
I am scared about how I will feel after I announce the launch of all those things, I don't know what I expect - if I want a lot of the attention, or if I might get freaked out by it. I was certainly freaked out when I found out that people were writing reviews about me without telling me. (I hate it when people read my blog but don't tell me.)
I often ask myself if I want to be recognized. I ponder it all the time, because it takes a lot of guts to be a person with a widely known name and personality. It takes guts to devote so much time to something like blogging, instead of doing something else that might be practical and productive. It takes guts to self-publish a book. And it takes guts to pour your thoughts, your memories and your feelings out on a public forum where just about anybody can (and actually is everybody that) reads it.
I'm not always sure I have the guts. Most of the time, I like to give off the impression that I do, but those who truly know me, know that I have a lot of fat question marks, sitting on broomsticks, flying around inside my head. I know I doubt my own ability. Worse yet, I doubt my own potential. All I can feel comfortable with admitting are my mistakes, my downsides, the reasons why not.
I wonder why that is. Maybe it's just the way I was brought up. My mother and father, if my memory serves me right, never really gave me impressionable advice on how to live my life. It was always something about what I did wrong, or what they did wrong, or how not to live my life. Don't point at strangers, don't use that bowl to microwave food, and don't ever get married. And maybe that's why that is the way I see things, I am always accustomed to seeing things in contradiction, my moral compass consisting of a giant list of double negatives.
lol. I chuckle at my own words. I admire my own phrasing. One positive thing about myself that I'm quite happy to admit is that I'm funny. Another positive thing is the fact that I'm good at writing - at least for my own entertainment. Sad, I know, but how often have you gone back to read your own written words and found it entertaining, huh?
Oh, Michael. Too often you look at yourself like you're another person, whenever you get depressed or high or tired or drunk.
Is it a coping strategy? I think so.
Is it weird? I think so.
Should I stop? I think so.
I've been thinking about getting a Twitter account, but am not entirely sure if I'm up for it. There's a lot of ideas brewing in my mind at the moment, and I think I want to list them all out just so I can then focus on what I want to do. So here it goes:
My profile
I don't like my profile. I don't know why. I'll have to perhaps wipe it all off and start on a clean canvas just to paint the perfect picture I want.
Do you hate it too?
I need to keep posting daily, and I need to sign on to more blog directories and communities (like Twitter). I might possibly do a slight reformatting as well, but nothing too drastic, just maybe add a few more widgets and fun stuff on the side bars. As for The Book, I will need to start picking out fifty posts, what I reckon would sell to consumers everywhere, put them in a single word document, do a bit of editing and formatting. I need to pitch a concept for the cover to my best friend, who is quite skilled in the world of photography and graphic design. My other close friend might also be interested in writing a foreword for me. [To-do reading: the publishing process, marketing and advertising, how to work together with your mom, how to be even funnier]
"If you're going through Hell, keep going."
I sometimes feel like this blog is a bit of a mixture of loads of different blog themes put together. Sometimes, I talk about my travels, sometimes I talk about my past, sometimes I talk about my feelings, and sometimes I just post up a Youtube video. Despite the versatility, I feel that it's not really encapsulating my whole self - I still don't talk about the TV shows I watch, the anthropology course I study, the books I read, or where I want to go in the future. In the end, I meant for this to be about my daily life, and it's just really difficult to stay focused on that, when everything else also occupies my mind. Which is why my solution is going to be...
Anthropology blog
I've been doing quite a lot of reading since I've been here in university, and it's starting to get on my nerves how long it's taking me to actually announce the commencement of this blog. The problem is that I just haven't sat down yet to get started on posting anything on it, and well, now I'm pissed at myself, to be honest. So, I vow to post something on there this weekend, because it has to start some time. And if I just can't be bothered, I know I'll be guilted into doing on Monday morning, I'm sure of it. [To-do reading: nature of anthropological study, history of mankind, Sicilian women, the Kwaio, the Azande, loads of other societies...]
Youtube blog
I have a good friend who lives in Hong Kong, and whenever I ask her what she's doing, more often than not, she's going on Youtube. I, myself, have found a lot of funny, intriguing, thought-provoking videos there, and I thought it would be a good idea to start a blog with this friend of mine. Together, we find one video to post on it everyday, and whoever found the video will briefly talk about why it's worthy of your attention. I'm quite excited about this, but with our schedules, we said we would officially release this blog in mid-February. But anyway, just something to think about for now. [To-do reading: video-sharing rights, joint ventures]
Television blog
I felt like I wasn't being myself with that television blog I started, and consequentially, shut down a couple months back. I was being forced to write about everything when I didn't want to, I wrote reviews for some reason. What I really wanted to write about instead was about the thoughts that TV shows provoked in me, because writers put forward ideas that sometimes make quite an impact on the way I think after watching them. I'll try and get to reopening that one around the holiday season, 'cause I was quite unhappy that that didn't work out the first time.
Travel blog
When I turn 25, my best friend and I are leaving our lives behind to travel the entire world in all its power and beauty for however long it takes. We mean it when we say we'll do it, and everything we're doing in the next seven years is to make that voyage possible. We're learning languages, we're doing a lot of reading, and we're only in university, and soon to be working, so that we can earn money to give us steady beginnings as we get accustomed to the traveler's life when we first set out. In my reading, I've been finding a lot of interesting things about how to prepare for such a trip, and information on a lot of places we might want to visit on the trip. This journey requires a whole lot of planning (seven years worth of it), so perhaps compiling them in a blog as a pre-world trip logbook might interest some readers? [To-do reading: travelogues, other world trip experiences, travel destinations]
Hm. I feel a bit better now, 'cause all of that was getting difficult to keep in my head. All six blogs, I have passion for, but I'm a tad concerned about whether I can handle it. Somewhere in my heart, I know that the hard work will pay off, and that this is one of those things that I'm meant to do in this stage of my life. I play no musical instruments, and I do no sports - this is my talent, and I have to embrace it. All I can do is hope for personal fulfillment, recognition and happiness, so might as well hope for more... might as well dream big.
I've thought about the book thing and I have realized that I want to publish a Do you hate it too? book for the same three reasons I have written Do you hate it too? from the very beginning. The three reasons are:
1) I easily get annoyed by a lot of things, and typing it all down helps relieve stress,
2) and to present my ramblings to the world would mean that I am forced to think carefully about how I write, in order to successfully communicate with readers,
3) and as readers go through my work, they are able to relate, to share their stories which I enjoy reading, to catch a break from their busy lives, and perhaps get a good laugh out of it.
Never has this been for earning money, or fame - the greatest joy for me has always come in entertaining others, and knowing that as I blog, I am continuously refining my sense of written style and my sense of humor.
So what if it's a funny, silly book? It still sells, and the sole reason I believe that it would sell is because the premise for my blog has already 'sold' to hundreds of viewers already.
There are millions of people without the Internet, without computers, who prefer holding text in their hands, as opposed to reading it on a screen. I can reach a greater number of people, attract more viewers to my blog, and there is, of course, that short, sweet little aside - the fact that I might get money from it - that may help fund my own education and life-living.
And if it all doesn't work, it would still be a good experience, and I can take away from it the pride in knowing that I effing tried.
Your comments since I wrote my last post really helped me focus again on why I still do this. Thank you so much, and I promise you guys a mention in the acknowledgments, and a signed copy of the book when it hits the shelves. *wink*
If you have read my last entry on Do you hate it too?, you will know that my blog has been well-praised. This got my mother very excited, and she pushed an idea forward for me to consider: publishing a Do you hate it too? book.
When I first began doing this about a year ago, I had already begun to think about compiling them all up one day and putting them in a publication. 'Why I didn't do it earlier' is a question I often answered with weak claims that I'm too lazy, can't be bothered, or haven't got the time for, but to be entirely truthful, it's because I don't think it's good enough. I still feel like it really is just me giving a childish rant everyday, and honestly, what contribution to the world do I give, by exerting negativity within the blogosphere?
I know I make people laugh, but in the end, I cannot collaborate with, let's say, an anger management-orientated business, seeing as I don't offer tips on how to deal with the hates I write about. I don't give advice on how to use the English language, or how to deal with stress, or how to focus on thinking positively - even though that's what you would associate with my blog, if it were just a little bit different.
But it is the way that it is, and being an active consumer of the book-selling market myself, I know that this would merely sell as one of those silly books uncles buy for their nieces, and mothers would refuse to spend money on for their children. 'How about this novel on vampires, sweetie', 'Check out this book about dinosaurs' and 'Trevor, come see if you'd like this one full of brain teasers' they would chime. The blatent truth is, I believe Do you hate it too? is silly.
I need people who can change my mind about this, so if you have any words of encouragement, please share them with me, because I'm in a place with no self-confidence right now. I would love to begin this whole adventure right now, to find a distributor, to format a book, to sell it online, and to watch it sell on shelves in Hong Kong, Canada, the US and the UK. I probably would anyway to my mother's insistence, even if I still don't believe in the book.
But I know that if I don't believe in my own work, it won't be a success.
Sigh. What do you think? Any words of advice?
Do you hate it too? has been awarded the Over The Top award by Marcy over at Tales of the Kids. Thank you, Marcy. I know my blog is founded on negativity and is very much a spectacular public showcase of my hypocrisy and acrimony. I have no shame in admitting that it is, indeed, over the top.
Here are the rules for this award:
1. Choose 5 stand out blogs.
2. Thank the blogger who gave you this Award.
3. Answer the questions below with only one word.
Where is your phone? Here
Your hair? Wet
Your Mother? Work
Your Father? Smoking
Favorite food? Faraway (It is a legitimate word, people!)
Your dream last night? None
Favorite drinks? Margarita
Your dreams? Travel
What room are you in? University
Your hobby? Blogging
Your fear? Frogs
Where do you want to be in six years? Gotham (Aside from being the home of Batman, it's a nickname for New York City.)
Where were you last night? Bed
Something you're not? Studying
Muffins? Fine
Wish List Item? Money
Last thing you did? Shower
What are you wearing? Towel
Your pets? Future
Your friends? Singular
Your life? Interesting
Your mood? Swings
Missing someone? Somewhere
Your vehicle? None
Something you're not wearing? Earrings
Your favorite color? Blue
When was the last time you laughed? Earlier
Last time you cried? October
Your best friend? Love
One place you go over and over? Toilet
One person that e-mails you? Fangirls
Favorite place to eat? Honkers (A nickname for Hong Kong.)
Hmm, blogs that are over the top...
Fish's plentymorefishoutofwater
Douglas' Boomer Musings
Rachel May's i still love your tits
J.J.'s The World According to J.J.
Eugene's Solviter
They really are over the top. (You guys are crazy.)
Hello, hello,
I'm going to try and do something I've never done with this blog, and that is to try to blog daily. I have set aside a time every day (11pm-11:30pm) to just insert a little post here for some reflections on the day and a little recount of what's been going on. I feel really nice reading the daily occurrences in the lives of other, more dedicated, bloggers, and I want to try and do that too.
This weekend has been incredibly lazy, and I have done nothing but catch up on my television series and play Pokémon on my NDS. I have a lot of reading I could be doing, but you know how it is - could have, should have, would have. I know that there will be some time soon when I'll be feeling really, really proactive, and will feel like working, but this weekend just wasn't it.
As for the new anthropology blog, I need to come up with a catchy title - any ideas? I still haven't even started laying it out yet. I will get right on it soon, and with any luck, something will be up by next weekend.
Oh, which reminds me, I am going to LONDON next weekend. Which I'm very excited about. Canterbury has honestly made me feel like a hermit, who lives in a small town of hermits, and I'm just so happy to know that I'm going to be going to be hitting Londontown, visit the British Museum and Soho and all that jazz soon.
This is such a filler post, but hopefully, I'll find something to talk about tomorrow. Adios for now, I hope you've enjoyed your weekend as much as I have, be it a lazy one or not.
Hello everybody out there, how are you?
There are prospects for an additional blog to my current two, and I'm really excited to tell you about it right here, right now! :D
If you're not already aware, I have moved to Canterbury, England, to study anthropology, after having lived in Hong Kong for all my life. Anthropology, put simply, is the study of humanity, in terms of its origins, and the social relationships amongst human beings. It's a very interesting course, and encompasses elements of many other subjects such as history, geography, sociology, evolutionary biology, economic and political organization, linguistics, kinship, primatology, law, religion, archaeology, and many more.
For a portion of my course, I am required to keep an anthropological diary to aid me in my anthropological studies. This means that every week, I must produce some sort of updated material on what I have learned in my courses, etc...
I was thinking that perhaps I could start a blog that was strictly to do with anthropology. This would really boost my mark up because I know that a lot of people in my course aren't accustomed to keeping anything blog-like in nature regularly. I hope to find something interesting about different cultures every week, and hopefully, by showing you something about a different social group every week, we will all gain something from this exchange. (I am also going to be pressurizing myself even more to work harder at my blogging everyday. I need the pressure. Pressure, pressure, pressure, come to Papa~)
(That was weird.)
I must thank one person before I start checking out all of your fantastic blogs, though, and that person is Argentum Vulgaris, who has had a part in inspiring me to actually do this with his blog, Tomus Arcanum. Every time I go on that blog, I always find something there about various societies and cultures, especially when I dig deep into his archives - he also has Astray in a Latin World, Paused in Peru, and Beyond Bolivia - great blogs strictly on South American people, all of which I also am inspired by.
I think that's enough for now. I will hopefully release my new blog within the next two weeks. There will be stuff on the Neanderthals, orangutans and gorillas, gruesome diseases and cancers, commonalities amongst all human beings (there aren't that many!), genetic drift, different spiritual beliefs that stretch from the Australian Aboriginals, through the dozens of different Indian faiths, to the Congolese communities that believe in witchcraft and spirits of nature.
It's going to be great!
Getting back into blogging is actually harder than I thought it would be, after I previously announced that I would take a break from it five weeks ago, when my exams began. My exams ended two weeks ago, and even then, I just felt uninspired to write anything much. I know in my heart that I do this to give others something to read. For me, I have friends to talk to, to express myself and my thoughts. I don't need a diary, but this is sort of like a diary. But writing, to me, is pointless, if it isn't for others to view. And that's precisely how you found these words.
I guess I felt that what I had to say, or what I could say, in the past two weeks, was not worth mentioning, and was not entertaining. But, tonight, I have a desperate, but composed, compulsion to type something in this white space (pale green on my blog) and publish it. Because I believe I've been delaying getting the ball rolling for this summer of blogging. I don't want to quit. I'm not a quitter.
So let me tell you about what's been going on lately.
I've been watching movies, the popular ones that everybody else has seen but I haven't. I've never watched Star Wars, I've never watched Terminator. I haven't even seen any James Bond films, and I'm going to England in the fall. I need to do this before university begins.
I've also been watching TV series. I've already seen all the episodes of my favorites - Lost, 24, Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, Survivor (these are only five titles, mind you)... but it's been a long time since I've started watching something new. And so I started watching Dexter, and I plan on watching Entourage and How I Met Your Mother, because other people love it and I haven't watched them yet. I also think an Alias and a Sex and the City marathon are much needed, as they are favorites that people are missing now, six, seven years later.
I've been reading, at the moment, The Selfish Gene, by Richard Dawkins. It's for my biological anthropology modules in university, and I've learned quite a bit about DNA and evolution so far (I'm on chapter 4). As for fiction, I'm reading Death at Intervals, by José Saramago, a fantastic Nobel Prize-winning Portugese writer if you haven't heard of him already.
On my list of things to read, The Picture of Dorian Gray, The Analects, Through the Looking Glass, The Phantom of the Opera, Les Misérables, Crime and Punishment, Howard's End, The Origin of Species, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Beowulf, Moby Dick, The Awakening, and many more classics, are waiting for me. I need to read the Twilight saga, as well, because I just don't understand what the fuss is all about.
I also have more anthropology books to get through before I fly off to London. There's Barrett's Culture and Conduct, Edward T.Hall's Beyond Culture, The Silent Language, and the Dance of Life, and Steven Pinker's The Stuff of Thought.
There really isn't enough time in the universe. I would not say no to immortality, because if I lived forever, I could learn forever, I could experience new things forever. I love exposing myself to stuff, and I hope this part of my personality doesn't go away. My friends have told me that it can't go away, and even if I wanted to eradicate it because I might get too tired one day, I wouldn't be able to. It's inborn, it's innate, it's in me. For now, I don't have a problem with that - I love it.
Anyway, this has really made me think about how little time I actually have this summer to do all that I want to do. I'm going to have to stop here, but this is sufficiently long, right?
I've got a party to go to anyway. So, talk to you all later. I'll TRYYYY to stop by your blogs soon, really!
Toodle-loo!
(And in case you're wondering, or if you didn't catch it from what's written above, I'm very happy right now, in a calm and serene way. Summer is great.
Life is great.)
Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, it's too sad, it's too sad to destroy this blog. I went back and read what I wrote in the past few months, and damn, that is a lot of writing, a lot of comments, a lot of readership, a lot of thoughts and memories and experiences to just delete at the quick click of the mouse's slick left button.
I was there, with my finger on my mouse, anticipating what I was about to do, like with my finger on the trigger of a gun to my own head (figuratively, of course, remember my thoughts and my memories?)... I couldn't do it, and I chickened out. It looks like I'm here to stay, with my horribly public displays of self-doubt, indecision, angst, hypocrisy and boastful arrogance. Woo~
I've just been really moody lately, you know? At times, I'm ecstatic, other times, downright dismal. Today, my feelings swung from guilt to gloom and from grief to glee. I don't know. I really don't know what's going on. Perhaps I'm just tired.
I have exams coming up soon, and so April is the month to focus. I need to work hard if I want to start a good new life in London. I can't wait to walk out of the examination room after each exam, knowing all my hard studying went toward some cause. I can't wait to pick out the suit I'll wear at my graduation ceremony and ball. I can't wait to party on the night we graduate, I can't wait to turn 18, I can't wait to finally have fun this summer, the only summer in which I just can't worry about the next year of high school.
I can't wait to immerse myself in time spent with my classmates, my friends, my loves. I can't wait to hug them with all the genuine good intent in my heart it will ever muster up for a long time to come.
I can't wait to move to London, to visit Soho, Camden Town, watch musicals, visit museums, eat at fancy restaurants, shop at flea markets, party at the coolest clubs, eat the most traditional scones and biscuits alongside a nice hot cup of cappuccino...
I can't wait to start my university course, and study what I want, what I flippin' give a damn about. I can't wait to grow up, I can't wait to be an adult, I can't wait to fall in love again, I can't wait to live a new life.
For personal reasons, I've decided to take this blog down. I wanted a blog where I could really be honest, but it turns out that there were too many people in my real-life prying into my thoughts and feelings. Through this blog, I have unexpectedly discovered that I actually want my private life to be more private than I first thought a couple of months ago.
I didn't really mean for this to be anyone's entertainment, but apparently, mine is a blog that manages to as a matter of course. I appreciate all the comments you've all given each of my posts, for the followship, for the support, care and ideas you've given me while I've been writing in this one. I have already closed my television one as well, since I wasn't writing too much in it. I'm really sorry for having to do this, but I must go back to my blogging beginnings where it was just Do you hate it too? I believe it would make me feel a whole lot better about blogging.
I'll take this down at the end of the month. Take care, everyone - my e-mail's always on my profile for you to write to if you'd like.
HektikLyfe, creator of The Silent Podium and Now On Video, has tagged me in a little meme that's similar to my Alphabet Meme before, but this time, it has to begin with B, and it has to be ten things that I love.
I'm assuming we're meant to stray away from anything sexual, or anything that can be suggestive of erogenous zones. It's hard for me, the teenager, but okay, okay. Here's what I came up with:
Bones - The television show, Bones, gave me a fascination with bones and first inspired me to be a forensic science anthropologist. I love learning the names of bones, the etymologies of these names, the structures and the characteristics of different bones and joints, and learning about the way they form, and the ways they can break, and how disorders and fractures can be fixed.
Bowling - I love to bowl, but I haven't been in a couple of years. I really love it because it's in an air-conditioned room, it's fun for the family or your friends, and well, I'm damn good at it.
Beaches - Beaches are my happy places. I can lay on the beach in the rain or sun, at night or in the daytime, summer, fall and spring. (It really is too cold for me in the winter, though.) I actually like sand all over me, seawater in my eyes, hair and ears, and having my skin all sunburnt and peeling.
Bars - Bars and clubs are places that I'm quite familiar with, although I don't go out as much as I want to, mainly because I can't afford to. I'm happy that I've experienced it a fair bit more than my fair share though. I like music that makes you get up and dance. I like dressing up for the night out. And, of course, the drinks don't cause anybody any harm. (Well, yes, they do.)
Broccoli - My favorite vegetable. As a child, I used to pretend I was a giant, and that I was eating trees.
Bananas - One of my favorite fruits. Bananas are unique in that no other fruits are similar to them. Apples are like pairs. Oranges are like grapefruits. Strawberries are also like that, a very weird fruit.
Blindness - This is a book by José Saramago. I think it's a very good book and the movie didn't do it justice. Everyone: purchase this book and read it.
Bicycles - Cycling is like bowling. It's lazy, you just sit back and move your legs. It's easy, it's for the family and the friends, and 'm a natural.
Breakfast - My favorite meal because food for breakfast tends to be tasty and energizing.
Blogs - I can't believe nobody else tagged to do this didn't mention blogging. I think blogs are a wonderful medium for socializing and it's become a big part of my life right now. I love it.
I'm not going to tag anyone, but for sure, tell me if you're going to steal this, I'd love to check it out. :)
It's the weekend again, which means I can return to blogging with all the rest of you. I'm sure it's been a long week for all of you, but I hope you all have something to make you feel better this weekend, and something to look forward to this month.
How have I been doing? Well, I have a little something to share. It gets me a bit emotional, but in a good way, so here we go:
This blogging thing that I started three or four months ago has escalated to a point where the people in my real life are telling me I should publish books. They tell me they admire what I've done, that my writing is definitely very commercial and relevant.
I, with complete honesty, do not want to think about it. I think my skills are above average, but that is as far as I am willing to be proud of. It is not my humbleness that makes me think I'm not good enough, it is my practicality and my honesty that makes me doubt I am writer material. I am only seventeen. I am a student that achieves reasonably well in English class. But the reason people under twenty generally do not start publishing at that age is because you need many years of practice and experience in order to be great, to be truly fabulous, extraordinary and unique.
It's scary to have my mother dreaming of me succeeding as an author. Of course, an autobiography, novels and perhaps a 'Do You Hate It Too?' book have crossed my mind, but I am in disbelief. I understand that people in their youth can publish books. I get that I can do it if I worked at it.
But my heart isn't there right now. I want to publish books some day, but within the next three years seems a little soon and it scares me so much, I think I might pee a little. I'm damn frightened of that sort of fame.
Nonetheless, I still love the praise. In the blogging world, people care about me, and have found my writing and my life to be 'honest', 'beautiful', 'charming', 'humorous', 'mature beyond [my] years', 'excellent', 'interesting', 'thoughtful', 'thought-provoking' and 'emotional'. Someone two months ago said they respected me for being so honest, despite the fact that I don't believe I'm very respectable. I uncomfortably carry a high reputation on Blogger, when I don't reckon I am reputable.
This particular blog of mine urges me to be honest, and honestly, frankly, really, I believe I'm just a kid with familial, scholastic, romantic, and friend-related problems, with funny stories, with emotions, with a life like everybody else. I have always told people this piece of advice: you make your own life interesting. And that is what I've done, and what I hopefully will continue to do. I think anyone can do this and could write as well as I do.
Now, I actually get fanmail. Bloggers add me on Facebook. I actually have a social life that reaches further than it ever has before. People know my name, and think of my words and ideas while at work and school. People know me, and think I'm friggin' hilarious and wonderful. For most of the time, I don't believe I walk on the streets everyday, with people all over the world that expect me to write when I get home. I don't believe I've learned so much about so many mind-boggling things from being amongst such a talented, thoughtful cyberclique. I find it hard to believe in things that are this good.
And the rate at which all of this is growing is exponential.
Lately, I have frequently been stopping in the middle of my work to daydream.
And I find myself thinking, shit, what the Hell have I done to my life?
Is this really happening to me?
I've been interviewed by Argentum Vulgaris, creator of 'Nether Region of the Earth II', 'Tomus Arcanum' and 'Things that Fizz and Stuff'. If you want me to interview you, well, just take a look at the instructions at the end of this post to find out how.
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1. Your blog is actually very interesting, why did you choose to tell the world about personal dislikes as opposed to likes?
One day I felt the compulsion to create something where I could write everyday, and my friend suggested that I start a blog. Before I started Do you hate it too?, I used to rant about everything to my friends exceedingly and it annoyed them, and stressed me out a lot. It just seemed like a good idea for a blog and I knew I could carry on writing about my dislikes for such a long time. I could never write about my likes on a daily basis. I've thought about making a Do you love it too? blog, but generally, I lack the ideas for it and I don't have the time to manage both.
2. During you recent blogging career you have disclosed some pretty personal stuff. Stuff that many of us prefer to keep as skeletons in our familial closets. Why do you feel that you can trust the blogging community given that most of us remain anonymous to a degree?
I don't trust the blogging community. (ouch, right?) I trust my best friend and myself and that's about it. Disclosing my secrets isn't and never has been an indication of trust for me. The past is just the past, my sexuality is just a preference and radical thoughts are simply thoughts. I have no problem talking about the truth, nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to stuff that others would otherwise keep secret. To be blunt, what can the anonymous blogging community do to me if they know stuff about me? Who would dare to do something anyway?
3. You have said that you are half-Filipino. Which half and why do you live in Hong Kong?
My dad is Filipino and my mom is Hong Kong Chinese. My paternal grandfather brought my dad and his siblings to Hong Kong to get into the thriving shipping business, while my maternal grandfather brought my mom and her seven sisters from mainland China to Hong Kong for a better life under the British occupation. My parents met while working in a hotel and I was born here. In the divorce, my mother got custody and I guess since she likes stability, I have always stayed in Hong Kong with her.
4. Are you guilty of any of the things that you hate too?
Clinginess, gluttony, talking too much, forgetfulness, losing my temper, being rude in the morning, being disorganized, and Christmas greed.
5. For a young person, you spend a lot of time on your blog, what do you gain from this experience?
I get to write on a daily basis, so that (hopefully) improves my writing skills and helps me with sticking to a routine. The people in my life are already very enjoyable to be around, but here, I get to meet a far greater number of interesting and unique individuals. I've always been intrigued by humans and human behavior (which is why I want to study anthropology next year) and blogging is perfect for that.
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If you’d like to play along, just follow these instructions:
* Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
* I will respond by giving you five questions in a comment on your blog. I get to pick the questions.
* You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. Be sure you link back to the original post.
* You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
* When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Over the course of the past week, I have had a lot of thoughts on what to post on this blog but I haven't had the time to do it because of school. It's a shame, really, because now my mind is drawing a blank and I suppose it's just a result of using too much of my brainpower doing schoolwork. (Boy, I miss those holidays.)
So, as I sit here, cross-legged and hunchbacked on the end of my bed with my laptop, I'm thinking about my life (as I always do) and it feels like my life has stretched on forever. I know I will repeat this statement some other time. I know when I turn sixty, I will think to myself, Seventeen-year-old Michael, boy, you really had no idea how long life could be. But right now, I think I have the right to say that and think that. I feel I've had it longer than most seventeen-year-old people, and to me, these seventeen years feel like they've been going on forever. (I'm still not sure what I want to talk about in this post.)
Yes, seventeen years has been a long time. You see, that's just the thing. Where do I even begin to decide what to post about in this one? Who says one episode of my life deserves to be shared more than another episode? There are just so many episodes to choose from, so many of them interesting for readers and close to my heart.
I remember this one blogger whom I met when I first launched 'Do you hate it too?'. She was a girl, fifteen, with a somewhat dark and mysterious display picture. What struck me as odd and interesting about her was the way in which she laid out her entire life in bullet-point form in a single post. In that one entry, she stated that she had crappy parents, gotten pregnant, self-harmed, taken drugs and moved from place to place. I knew she was looking for answers by saying all that. I knew she was looking for someone to listen, maybe even to help. But to get help we need to know how to ask for it.
You see, I could do that. I could lay out my life in a single post. I'll do you one better: I can sum up my entire life into this paragraph: I was born in 1991 and my parents got divorced in 1993. I spent a year in Canada with my mom's family, then one year on the beach with my dad. Then I moved to my maternal grandparents' apartment, where I currently reside. I was clever and happy in primary school, and during that time, my mom brought me on many travels while my dad got remarried and had three daughters. I entered high school in 2002. I got suspended for theft in 2003. Someone pushed me out of the bisexual closet in 2004. I got expelled for theft in 2005. I was half an hour away from committing suicide on June 17, 2005. I entered a new school (the school I go to now) and there, I found friends and myself. My dad got divorced again and I won't forgive him. I like reading, watching television and blogging. Now, I'm clever and happy, just like in primary school, but even more so. I go to university soon.
You see that? You see how easy that was?
But where is the emotion? Where is the complexity in these issues? It just isn't there. And that's why I think that people need to learn how to stop moaning, complaining and throwing words like 'drugs', 'divorce' and 'suicide' around like they don't mean anything deep. Surely, they are the words you use to refer to these events, and I'm not discounting the fact that these things didn't make a huge impact on your life, but those words don't make up your life and they do not define you.
I take my blogging seriously and I know things need to be told slowly for people to welcome you, accept you and want to hear about you if you have a personal blog. I wonder if that girl still reads my blogs because I haven't seen her post anything or leave comments at all since the end of last October. But I hope she knows now that she can't expect people to listen if she overwhelms readers like that. Those who have been following my blogs for some time know what I'm like. People who know me in real-life know that 'bisexual', '17', 'teenager' and 'Asian' don't and cannot describe me well enough.
Those words are understatements of what it truly feels like to be those things. And it's about time some people learned that the true value of people's stories are in the ideas they put forward about their thoughts and feelings, that their life story's value does not lie in the bland words people assign to life-changing experiences. Otherwise, I would comprise a bunch of labels, like 'that boy with the divorced parents', 'the kid that got expelled', or 'that dumb blogger with that hate blog'.
So, anyway. That looks like a post so let's end it there. I look forward to learning more about all of your lives slowly and I will continue to take my time in introducing you to mine.
It's been a very, very long year, to say the least. This is the first time I'm doing one of these reflections, so I hope it helps in bringing me closure, so that the new year can be approached with another year of life experience to support me. How should I format this?... Hmm... Oh, I know! I'll just make a list of all the major events and talk a bit about each of them. (The last one is the most relevant to you guys. :D)
(Jun) Father got divorced again: He tells me my stepmother cheated on him with another man. Not just any man. A 63-year-old man. And I believe him, but I think that if Dominique and their other two girls appear to be fine, then my stepmother and the old guy are fine. Why does my father have to exaggerate everything, I don't know. I agree with him and sympathize for him to an extent, but the fact is: he was the less committed one. I'm a lot like him to be honest... especially in relationships. Over-confident when we really don't have a damn clue. I think I'm working at it. I don't see that in him. All in all, he's an ex-husband twice for good reason.
(Jul) Stopped talking to my dad: Nobody else will understand my perspective of things, that's a given. But let me just tell you: if there's anybody I hate more, it's people that are narrow-minded, unforgiving, who fail to look at things in other people's perspective, who don't even try for a second to walk in another person's shoes. That is all I ever do with my life, every, single, fucking, second, of, every, single, fucking, day. My father is radically different in this aspect and I hate the way he is so arrogant about everything. I look at him and I see the smoking, the drinking, the two divorces, the negligence toward his three other children, the prostitutes in Shenzhen, the lousy dead-end job of a private investigator, his knucklehead friends, especially her (who he's exploiting at the moment), the pervy uncle, the grandmother who always fed him what he wanted, the spoiled brat inside of him that never grew up from over thirty years ago, and at the time, before July, I didn't give a shit about any of that. And it's a testament to how much I know about him, the dreadful, honest truth about him. What does he know about me? Nothing.
Next year, all he will know is that I went to holiday this winter, because he needs to give my mother permission to bring me out of Hong Kong. He will also know which country I'm going to next year for university, only because my mother will tell him. When I grow up, he will know what I do for a living, but only vaguely, only a little bit, only because my mother will tell him. That is all he will know because he never cared to get to know me or the details of my personal and academic life, that as a student and a teenager, are very, very, very important to me.
I am not going to be all melodramatic and say I won't visit his deathbed, go to his funeral or visit his grave. But when those occasions come to pass, all father-and-son sentiments will be lost. There's no space available for me to forgive. My mind does not have the capacity to and my heart is not functioned to forgive a father who does not care to hear about his son's 'lifeless' day. I have been through more than any of my family really knows. This isn't a contest to see who's been through the most, but he should stop boasting and pretending to know everything that I don't. Piece of shit father.
(Jul) The last outing I had with Dad: I went to the beach I grew up on with my father, my grandmother, my uncle, my cousin, my two stepsisters (all on my dad's side, of course) and one of their friends. We had this killer mashed potatoes with tuna and raisins that serves as one of my grandmother's signature dishes. Filipinos know how to make the best comfort food in Asia... We were at the infamous Pui O beach, the word Pui (貝), meaning 'shellfish'. Buried under the sand are hundreds of clams. I had a fun time swimming with my stepsisters. I had a fun time barbecuing with my dad like we used to when I was a kid. When I was out there in the ocean, I dived down and managed to find a clam the size of my hand (around 15cm in diameter). My dad soaked it in beer to wash out the sand and placed it on the fire. I ate it and let me tell you, big doesn't necessarily mean tasty. ;)
It was a good trip, a good final trip before I vowed to ignore him and avoid him at all costs. Why he had to ruin that week is beyond me. His impatience got the better of him and will serve him well.
(Feb) Fell in love for five days: I fell so deep and so fast. I was so darn lonely, to the point where I just didn't care about anything else. They were like another family, to add on to my list containing six or seven other families. I took a leap there, and they caught me, they let me know that life was okay, is okay and will always be okay. Sisters, brothers, father and uncle. Oh, Michael, you're so pathetic.
'Cause the shame in these five days is that they came all the way from Oman. They were only here for a week but I was totally immersed into their group of friends. I will always have a special place in my heart for them but I think that's very useless now. It was there for five days, and now it's gone.
(Dec) Came to a decision: I have found a solution to the problem at school I've been having for a year now. It's time for a change and the new year will bring on a good one. It's been a long, treacherous journey with these people. They've pissed me off more times than I can count and I'm sure I have gotten on their nerve many times as well. I will never forget any of the good times, but hey, there weren't that many to begin with, and they weren't that good at all.
(May) Birthday: My birthday always happens when other things are happening. It was quite a lot of fun going out that night after the Graduation Ball, but again, I drank alone, I danced alone, I went home alone. Why is it so hard to find somebody? Why is it that the four of them stuck together? Why is it that they were a couple? Why do they go home? Where does it ever leave me?
No, that's not the right way to think about it. It's precisely about me on my birthday if I am willing to believe it to be. Besides, I have made a decision to stop caring about them. I had fun on my birthday, and it was a considerably good one when compared to my birthdays in previous years. I won't forget it and next year will be even better.
(Sep) Mid-Autumn Festival: I've never been to the beach on that night. I had no idea that loads of people actually did that. It was good, though. And I got the chance to see her, so it was nice. The moon created this mysteriousness amongst us. I wonder if we would ever find ourselves in that same spot again.
God, why do I always think I'm alone? People will always tell me, no, you're not alone, but heyheyhey. I really am by the end of the night. I think I have to make peace with the fact that I will be more alone in the next few months. Yikes.
(July) Family trip to Toronto: Now, this was a really good time. A time that I pretty much forgot about until I looked at a calender to remind myself about what I was doing in those blank two weeks in my head. I went to Toronto with my whole family (save my mother and my aunt). We went to eat crazy-good steak, and to see all the attractions that I could now look at in another, more mature, light. I love Toronto. I will live there at some point in my life. And although I can't say I love time with my family, at least they never, ever make me feel alone.
(Jun) Last week of school: I had to stage manage a concert, as well as perform in a lead role of the senior play. To be honest, I stage managed better the previous time. This time, I was breaking down, I didn't care about these people and I couldn't do my job because I let these people get to me. Not all of them were bad. I don't want to say it goes to show how tired I've gotten of them. I think it's just me again. Pathetic, emotional me.
For the school play, these people were cool. Actors are nice people. Never really bothered me much. Oh, how could I forget about him though. He was a pain up my ass. Oh, but at least the lot of them were sitting in the audience, far, far away. The show went quite well and everybody clapped for Andrew, Bea and Chas. I want to do more professional stuff, though. The stuff I had in my old school, as opposed to this mini-production. Oh, the life I could've led... It's my own fault for bringing that upon myself.
(Aug) Cheung Chau: Here in Hong Kong (I start an awful lot of my paragraphs like this, don't I?), during the holidays, a lot of young people like to rent a house on one of the outlying islands for a few days to enjoy life outside the city for a change. We can go biking, go to the beach, eat lots of junk food and even bring our laptops, our Playstations and even our electric guitars to the house to just relax and be lazy (or in my social group's case, work and study :P).
This year, five people came to my house thing that I rented. Last year, twelve people came, so I was a little let down. I was happy that the four 'right' people came to accompany me. Especially the couple. Both of them lightened up my time there... It wasn't all smiles, but I was content. However...
(Aug) Loneliest I've ever felt: It was a strange night that night. They were asleep in the room and I didn't want to wake them (well, I did. And I texted them). I stepped outside, went biking for a while, bought a drink at the store at two in the morning, but gosh, the emptiness inside of me felt so strong, it was unbelievable. I sat on the beach, frantically, desperately trying to call everyone I could. Nobody would pick up their phones. I had no computer to go online. I was overwhelmingly sad and it was cold and it was dark and the beach was empty.
The beach is a place I usually go to sit and think about life. Beaches have always been comfortable for me. I find it nice when there is sand in my shoe, caught between my toes. I like the feel of my jeans drenched in seawater. I can have a good night's sleep on the sand, falling asleep and waking up to the sound of the waves. For some reason, that night just did not work for me. I was restless, lonely and miserable. I cried that night very, very hard. It brought back thoughts of my suicidal incident four years ago. It brought back memories of all the pain I ever experienced with either parent, with my friends, with my heart that's fallen in love so many times, so deeply and so wrongly. I just wished that someone was there so badly.
But I was considerate enough not to bother the couple. They had enough on their minds at the time. It came at the cost. How big of a cost am I, really?
(Oct) Started blogging: I didn't believe that blogging was therapeutic. I didn't think that I could entertain people, or that I could touch people's hearts with my writing. I just thought it was a leisure activity, where angry, depressed and/or talkative people would bail their hearts out and talk about the most insignificant things. I don't know why I felt this way, because normally, I'm usually a person that's very open to new experiences. But, in a rush of emotion one night, just because I was bored, I created Do you hate it too? and wow, I had no idea that people from the States, from Brazil, from the UK, from everywhere, could be so welcoming, and could give a damn about what I had to say.
I used to be mightily unhappy around my friends and family. They would piss me off to no ends. But if there's something I must thank them for, it's for doing exactly that. Driving the living Hell out of me with their annoyances so that I could start my blog and enter a whole new realm of socialization. I cannot express how grateful I am to all my followers and all the people who have such fantastic, inspirational, equally and differently opinionated blogs for me to read. Blogging is still not therapeutic (in fact, it gets stressful at times trying to come up with topics), but I think I can be confident in saying that it has brightened up my mood and cheered me up after a year that has been so eventful, stressful, troublesome, miserable and lonely. You are all like family, and I cannot wait to grow up, travel the world and meet all of you in person perhaps, visit the places you mention in your blogs, meet the people you talk about in your entries. Blogging is the biggest and the best part of my 2008.
*update: I forgot about the Presidential Elections,the Olympics and other big news. Goes to show how self-centred Iam...*
Yipes, I've literally spent a whole day blogging. I have to go to dinner too.
So, where is the Hatred King going this winter? Any Hong Konger would start off with just "China", without going into further detail to specify where in China exactly. Why that is, I don't know, but anyway, I am going to Sichuan, the red-colored province in the map. Anyone who watches the news will know there was an earthquake that hit Sichuan in May, killing nearly 70,000 people.All quakes aside, Sichuan is also known for its many scenic attractions, a few of which I have pictured below. I hope that I can take photos that are even more overwhelming than these. The exact dates of my travel will be from December 26th to December 31st, meaning I just make it for Christmas and New Year celebrations here in Hong Kong.
Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding (More like a zoo, it isn't as creepy as it sounds.)
Jiuzhaigou Valley
Jiuzhaigou Waterfall
Leshan Giant Buddha, stands at 71m tall.
Mount Emei. Clouds, literally, conceal the temples sometimes.
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So, what happens to the blog while I'm gone?
On the 26th, I will be posting a sort of reflection on 2008 right before I leave (which will be fairly personal). Other than that, there won't be anything major. Any posts to be posted while I'm gone will be published automatically so we'll see if I can dig up anything to blog about.
As for Do you hate it too?, the plan is entirely different. I will include that plan in tomorrow's post for that blog. For now, hope you're enjoying your holiday. I won't be back 'til Christmas, but that will only be for a short Merry Christmas greeting. Eat well, sleep well, make your last week of 2008 worth remembering!
I want to start two more blogs.
One about English literature. One about television. Here's why:
English literature - I'll confess: it's been a long time since I've actually read a book for pleasure (we're looking at around two or three months). I feel that I know how to appreciate the sanctity of the written word and reading is something that I can do for hours and actually enjoy. And as I go around day by day, I come across these quotes that I really like, or I read a poem that I want to share with more people, but I can't find anybody in my real life that actually wants to listen. Posts about English text don't seem to fit in either of the two blogs that I currently have... I want to start a new one because I want literature to be a 'part' of my character here on Blogger, unlike my friends who indulge themselves with other media such as games, sports, film, music and television...
Television - Now, I want to start a new blog about movies and television. I watch a lot of movies, but I watch even more television series. You think you're a television nut? Here's a list of shows that I watch that air in the US and the UK (some of them don't air anymore, but hey, I still know the shows):
Friends. 24. Lost. Nip/Tuck. Survivor. Grey's Anatomy. Big Brother US. Big Brother UK. Skins. The OC. American Idol. Men In Trees. Desperate Housewives. The Big Bang Theory. Dancing With the Stars. Top Chef. Without A Trace. CSI. Ugly Betty. America's Next Top Model. Family Guy. Prison Break. Bones. American Dad! CSI:NY. The Simpsons. Merlin 2008. The Office US. House. South Park. Torchwood. The Apprentice US. Alias. America's Got Talent. 'Til Death. Project Runway. Veronica Mars. Saturday Night Live. The Office UK. Monk. Six Feet Under. The Amazing Race. 30 Rock. The 4400. Chuck. The Bachelor. Ghost Whisperer. Gossip Girl. The Knights of Prosperity. The Ex List. Pushing Daisies. Doctor Who. Scrubs. Medium. The Life and Times of Tim. Worst Week. Sex and the City. Little Britain UK. Phenomenon. Kid Nation. Teachers. Everybody Hates Chris. Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip. Windfall. Tell Me You Love Me. Fonejacker. Two and a Half Men. Dexter. ER. Privileged. Little Britain USA. My Name Is Earl. The Amazing Race: Asia. Robot Chicken. Hidden Palms. Kitchen Nightmares. On the Lot. Beauty and the Geek. Californication. Cashmere Mafia. The Apprentice UK. Curb Your Enthusiasm. Fringe. The Bachelorette. American Gladiators. The Secret Life of an American Teenager. The X-Files.
I'm not kidding around here. My list is dead serious.
I want to write about all the movies and TV I watch, but is there anyone in the blogging world that cares? I know that a large percentage of bloggers are English teachers, established writers, journalists and students who really love English. I know I'll be able to share my thoughts in that regard. But are there people that watch TV as well? Will people read my reviews on movies, on TV?
Or are they all satisfied with the digital media provided to them by the World Wide Web?
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