Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, it's too sad, it's too sad to destroy this blog. I went back and read what I wrote in the past few months, and damn, that is a lot of writing, a lot of comments, a lot of readership, a lot of thoughts and memories and experiences to just delete at the quick click of the mouse's slick left button.
I was there, with my finger on my mouse, anticipating what I was about to do, like with my finger on the trigger of a gun to my own head (figuratively, of course, remember my thoughts and my memories?)... I couldn't do it, and I chickened out. It looks like I'm here to stay, with my horribly public displays of self-doubt, indecision, angst, hypocrisy and boastful arrogance. Woo~
I've just been really moody lately, you know? At times, I'm ecstatic, other times, downright dismal. Today, my feelings swung from guilt to gloom and from grief to glee. I don't know. I really don't know what's going on. Perhaps I'm just tired.
I have exams coming up soon, and so April is the month to focus. I need to work hard if I want to start a good new life in London. I can't wait to walk out of the examination room after each exam, knowing all my hard studying went toward some cause. I can't wait to pick out the suit I'll wear at my graduation ceremony and ball. I can't wait to party on the night we graduate, I can't wait to turn 18, I can't wait to finally have fun this summer, the only summer in which I just can't worry about the next year of high school.
I can't wait to immerse myself in time spent with my classmates, my friends, my loves. I can't wait to hug them with all the genuine good intent in my heart it will ever muster up for a long time to come.
I can't wait to move to London, to visit Soho, Camden Town, watch musicals, visit museums, eat at fancy restaurants, shop at flea markets, party at the coolest clubs, eat the most traditional scones and biscuits alongside a nice hot cup of cappuccino...
I can't wait to start my university course, and study what I want, what I flippin' give a damn about. I can't wait to grow up, I can't wait to be an adult, I can't wait to fall in love again, I can't wait to live a new life.
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10 comments:
If you wanted to, you could always set this blog to be visible only to the readers you choose. If you wanted to keep it but not let anyone see it. Just sayin, although it would kinda suck.
I'm a little too tired to remember what else you even wrote in your post at this point, but i just noticed your email address. We studied the Odyssey this term at school, and although I noticed Charybdis, I didn't connect it with Scylla, perhaps because your name was in the middle... I are fool. I probably only noticed because I was drawing quotes from that chapter today for an essay I'm writing.
Between two fearsome beasts? The six headed Scylla who feeds from the waters in and around her cave, and the dread Charybdis who swallows down the water and spits it up three times a day, or something? Yes, sleep is a current necessity.
I like the connotations of your email address. In how it implies something else, not necessarily what it does imply. For instance rock.larissa.hardplace.
WHAT AM I SAYING?
Anyway, I'm glad you're keeping this blog going. I'll be back to recomment on this post at a time when I'm slightly more aware of what I'm talking about.
You sound drunk or high or just tired. I don't mind either of the three, a combination of all three would only amuse me.
I use that e-mail address to show I love literature, Greek mythology is one of the particular ones I adore. I also love the names, and I also tend to find myself having to face difficult dilemmas. It's witty, too. :)
I can't wait to read about your experiences in London :)
I was born there and haven't been since I was only a couple months old. Believe me, I'm almost tearing up with jealousy.
Oh and I'm extremely ecstatic at your decision to keep the blog!
that's the spirit!
Indeed, Michael, if you ever travel down under, we should get together for a drinking session. You in high heels, or even both of us in high heels... it would be a night of many laughs, I'm sure.
That is, not to infringe on your not drinking / drinking in moderation plan.
Of course it's witty, you're good with that type of thing. (:
I was a little horrified at the idea of you deleting this blog, to be honest. If it were me, I could not have done it, just like you, it seems. I like mementos and keepsakes, any record of the soon to be past, so I can look back and remember, and see the changes from the past to the present. Deleting my blog would seem, to me, a horrible deletion of an important part of my life, my thoughts and feelings over a period of time. Perhaps I am far too sentimental.
Good luck with your exams! Does this mean we shan't be seeing much of you here in the blogging world for this month?
It's really cool that you're planning to move to London. I wish I had such a drastic life change lined up for me at the end of Year Twelve, but it doesn't look like that will be happening. I can live with that.
Isn't it great, the feeling of having the whole rest of your life ahead of you, with all the huge possibilities? (:
Michael - sorry,just caught up with this. I'm:
a) glad you're not deleting this;
b) looking forward to hearing about your success in your exams;
c) glad to know you;
d) happy that you've got so much to look forward to; and
e) considering the best locations for scones and biscuits
Eura: You can transfer to the UK for a year in your undergraduate studies, or perhaps move to London to do your postgraduate. No need to tear up about it, the US is a great place for university, too. I want to do my Masters degree there.
Vivienne: You London-dweller, I can't wait to meet up with you.
Larissa: I'll be doing what I've been doing in the past few weeks, which is blogging every other day on average. I think I'll need to start reading all of your blogs, too, though. I'm starting to lose my readers because of it!
And yes, the feeling is phenomenally great.
Madame DeFarge: I've heard too many things already, but do go on, make me hungry, make me want London more just to make it even better when I get there.
Okay, well as long as blogging isn't keeping you from exam study!
Well, you stopped reading+following mine for a reason. I wouldn't want you to start following again just because you want to keep me following your blogs. Just personally. I'd only want you to follow and read my blogs if you're actually interested ;P
It sucks that you're losing followers because of that, that's slightly ridiculous.
Good luck with your IB exams--I understand your pain, although mine aren't till November. I usually only read your other blog but this one is quite entertaining as well.
Glad to see you're not quitting.
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