125 - Subconscious forward-thinking

I'm sure at some point in your life, on your return home, you've stashed away some candy that you bought at the convenience store, so that you could then take it out again later to snack on it at around midnight, when you're going to be pulling an all-nighter, finishing that History essay for school due tomorrow, or analyzing this quarter's statistics for the business briefing with the bosses the next day. We do these sorts of things all the time, just to treat ourselves to some good stuff later. We place our shoes neatly somewhere near the front entrance of your room, or your house, for easier access the next day. We buy ourselves an entire bottle of vodka, or a six-can pack of Coca Cola, even though we're not going to drink it all at once, but because we are saving up for the future. If you have a slow internet connection, you may pause the Youtube video, or whatever video, before it even begins playing, because then you can play it all at one go in a few minutes without having to wait for it to buffer.

I do this most of all with my money, and my snacks. There must have been at least fifty times in the past four years, when I've exited the school premises, and on my way home, noticed that I had a lollipop or a Mars Bar in my bag or in my jacket pocket that I forgot I even purchased at least a day ago. And I would often hide my money in between the pages of books, and then I would forget about it until I found it again, long after the day I hid it in the first place.

And everytime I found one of these nice surprises, I look up at the sky, for that is where destiny/fate/the past is to me, and I say to myself, Well done, Michael...

Because in some weird subconscious way, I was treating myself for the future without even knowing it.

Today, I was tidying my room here at university because I wanted it to look neat for when my mother comes to visit me next week. Inside one of my drawers, I unexpectedly found £10. I was so happy, 'cause I had actually come to believe I was broke. For almost seven weeks, I had almost nothing in my bank account, and nothing but a bowl of copper coins in cash. And I somewhat believe that a few months ago, I had hidden that £10 purposefully for a day like this - where I was on the verge of starvation, in desperate need for some seed money for my mini-welcome party for my mother... and low and behold, I got it.

It's been nearly five months since I last saw my mother, and after she leaves, it'll be close to another five months 'til I see her again. Since I've come to the UK from Hong Kong, I've forced myself not to think about things like missing my parents or missing my best friend, because I know it's not healthy to yearn. I never had to will myself not to think about these things, though... it wasn't a challenge. It just happened naturally, subconsciously, and I think, again, these things that happen in the subconscious are my mind's attempt at treating me well in the long run, a form of forward-thinking, you might say.