132 - Some foods simple, some foods complex

Anyone who knows me long enough will know that I love to eat. I don't just guzzle everything real quickly, either, or eat just anything at any hour of the day. I have a lot of rules when it comes to food. For example, I never let any sauce, milk, ice-cream or any other substance get left behind on the periphery of my mouth. It saves me from having to wipe it later, and my fellow diners from an unattractive sight.

One of the major eating principles I hold dear to my heart is the differentiation between foods that have to be simple, and foods that have to be more complicated. Take macaroni and cheese for example. The indulgent, mouth-watering cheesiness of the dish is a delight, while the pasta itself fills your stomach. The same works for cheese and biscuits, and cheesecake. There's no need for a side of ham next to your biscuits, or some raspberry coulis drizzled over it. The cheese speaks for itself.

Examples of other foods that stand well on their own:
 - sashimi and sushi (no wasabi or soy sauce),
 - the classic Coca-Cola,
 - vanilla ice-cream (no other flavor),
 - toast and butter,
 - french fries and ketchup,
 - chicken nuggets,
 - tomato soup,

On the other hand, there are other foods that are better the more complex they are. They deserve to have more flavors, more textures, more colors, more ingredients, all mixed together to make it work. Take a sandwich for example. I never order BLT, or tuna and mayonnaise. It's just a bit plain if you ask me. It has to be a club sandwich - with tomatoes, lettuce, egg, bacon, turkey, cheese, mustard, ham, ketchup, mayonnaise, cucumber and a third piece of bread in between the top and bottom slices. That's what a real sandwich is to me.

Examples of other foods that should shoot for the stars:
 - nachos covered in beef, salsa, guacamole, sour cream and melted cheese,
 - fruit salad with at least six different kinds of fruit,
 - steak, with peas, carrots, mashed potatoes and gravy,
 - hotdogs with ketchup, mustard, relish, maybe some mayonnaise, corn, cheese, cole slaw, sauerkraut, onion, lettuce, tomato and chili sauce,
 - a full English breakfast, with eggs, toast, butter, jam, bacon, baked beans, hash browns, fried bread, black pudding, mushrooms, potatoes, sausage, and tea,
 - and the Big Mac, with two beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions and three sesame seed buns.

What do you think? Do you agree that tomato soup need not be dressed up? Do you disagree and think that a tuna and mayonnaise sandwich is actually very nice?

125 - Subconscious forward-thinking

I'm sure at some point in your life, on your return home, you've stashed away some candy that you bought at the convenience store, so that you could then take it out again later to snack on it at around midnight, when you're going to be pulling an all-nighter, finishing that History essay for school due tomorrow, or analyzing this quarter's statistics for the business briefing with the bosses the next day. We do these sorts of things all the time, just to treat ourselves to some good stuff later. We place our shoes neatly somewhere near the front entrance of your room, or your house, for easier access the next day. We buy ourselves an entire bottle of vodka, or a six-can pack of Coca Cola, even though we're not going to drink it all at once, but because we are saving up for the future. If you have a slow internet connection, you may pause the Youtube video, or whatever video, before it even begins playing, because then you can play it all at one go in a few minutes without having to wait for it to buffer.

I do this most of all with my money, and my snacks. There must have been at least fifty times in the past four years, when I've exited the school premises, and on my way home, noticed that I had a lollipop or a Mars Bar in my bag or in my jacket pocket that I forgot I even purchased at least a day ago. And I would often hide my money in between the pages of books, and then I would forget about it until I found it again, long after the day I hid it in the first place.

And everytime I found one of these nice surprises, I look up at the sky, for that is where destiny/fate/the past is to me, and I say to myself, Well done, Michael...

Because in some weird subconscious way, I was treating myself for the future without even knowing it.

Today, I was tidying my room here at university because I wanted it to look neat for when my mother comes to visit me next week. Inside one of my drawers, I unexpectedly found £10. I was so happy, 'cause I had actually come to believe I was broke. For almost seven weeks, I had almost nothing in my bank account, and nothing but a bowl of copper coins in cash. And I somewhat believe that a few months ago, I had hidden that £10 purposefully for a day like this - where I was on the verge of starvation, in desperate need for some seed money for my mini-welcome party for my mother... and low and behold, I got it.

It's been nearly five months since I last saw my mother, and after she leaves, it'll be close to another five months 'til I see her again. Since I've come to the UK from Hong Kong, I've forced myself not to think about things like missing my parents or missing my best friend, because I know it's not healthy to yearn. I never had to will myself not to think about these things, though... it wasn't a challenge. It just happened naturally, subconsciously, and I think, again, these things that happen in the subconscious are my mind's attempt at treating me well in the long run, a form of forward-thinking, you might say.

95 - On being lazy

When was the last time you finished a book?

The last time I did was over a month ago, and I find that's quite a shame. There's so much to get done here at university, that you don't even realize the days are flying by. It's already nearing November, and I haven't done any studying of any kind, I haven't started on any essays, I haven't found a part-time job, and I don't know - it seems like I haven't done anything except buy food, eat the food, go to sleep, relax in my room and engage in unproductive shenanigans on the computer.

I'm going to have to start getting serious, first, by tidying up my messy room with books, papers, and food spread out all over the desk, the nightstand, the shelves and the floor. Then, take some clothes to the laundry, and iron the clothes that came out of the laundry over a week ago.

Poo.

73 - Birthday planning is fun.

I'm still on study leave at the moment, exams start on May 4th. Of course the occasional distraction is inevitable in this feels-like-forever time span, and so in the past week, a lot of exciting planning has been going on between me and my friends whenever we close our books for a break.

My real birthday is May 30th (mark it on your calendars folks!), but unfortunately, our graduation ball/prom takes place on May 29th. I'm sure we'll be too hungover to celebrate on the actual date... plus, I have two families that really want me to devote my real 18th birthday to their side. Between my mother and my father, I haven't decided which one yet, but I'm thinking I'll give it to my mother. She's been quite short-tempered lately... maybe she's newly menopausal, or exam time has taken a toll on her mind as well (because she's an English teacher).

So, instead, I'm having a party on May 22nd. In fact, I'm sharing it with two of my friends, who have their birthdays lie unfortunately on dates with exams. They're two of my closest friends in the class, and so this joint party for three is going to be really special, and highly anticipated.

I've already plans to do stuff on the 24th, 26th, 28th, 29th, 30th and 31st as well. Turning 18 is a lot busier and a lot less cool than I thought, 'cause it's like everyone knows how great it feels and wants me to have a good time, too. Honestly, I'd rather lie on the beach for the entire week in the sun... but I'll attend every buffet, every house party, every dinner, every gathering, and every night out, for them. Because they love me.

I just booked the table for our birthday party for three. Around twenty-five people should be attending, it's a nice Australian-style restaurant, with fabulous steak, called 'Outback Steakhouse'. You can check out the food menu and the drinks menu if you fancy a drooling session. I seriously can't wait to celebrate, not only my birthday, but my two close friends' birthdays. We will also rejoice in the conclusion of our exams, of high school, of everything we've been doing in the past eighteen years.

It's so great.

And afterward, I know, and they know, and God knows we'll go get really drunk.

I always love that ending.

Anyway, I must get back to my maths books (or fall asleep lying on top of and underneath them). I'll come back and tell you how the exams are going after I've done one or two or a few. :)

I really miss blogging, but I'm surviving. See you later, people!

50 - I feel like puking.

Two years ago, I was suffering from my second-most serious case of depression (the first being the time I nearly commited suicide). During this second-most serious case, I constantly felt dizzy, nauseated and miserable. I lacked an appetite and the urge to sleep.

I don't just mean skipping breakfast. I don't just mean I pulled off an all-nighter. I did not eat or sleep for four days straight. All I did was crap, and cry at night in my room. I really didn't know if my mood affected my appetite, or if my loss of appetite led to my depression.

But it was horrible, and I knew I had a problem even by the second day. I refused to eat anything at meals... anything. I would walk past my all-time favorite fast-food chain, McDonald's, without even stopping. I was disgusted by all food, anything from chocolate cake to scrumptious Chinese delicacies, from pork chops to chicken wings, from pancakes with bananas to spaghetti bolognese. I would drink Coke, and puke it out later. Ordinary water seemed to be the only thing I could take in, even though I never drink any water and rely on juice, soft drinks, energy drinks, tea, coffee and soup for my fluids. And as for alcohol, well, you know what alcohol does to you: it makes you puke, but even I, with a tough threshold for holding my drink, puked, and that, my friends, is an astonishingly serious symptom. It's like everything, toxic to my body or healthful for my body, didn't appeal to me. I hated eating, I didn't want to consume anything.

Shit, it's probably the sickest I've ever been.

Right now, I have a virus lying within me that's similar. I woke up today frantically reaching around for my rubbish bin so that I could vomit.

I didn't get any satisfaction, though, because I haven't eaten since Wednesday afternoon, and there's nothing in my digestive system to regurgitate. I mean, it's Friday afternoon now, and I don't have the appetite to eat anything, not even a slice of bread, a small biscuit, or a bowl of congee - basically not even boring, bland rice in a bowl of water.

The one difference, between this time and that time two years ago, is that I'm not miserable. I think things with my family, especially my mother, are going fine. I have an active, lively Facebook, MSN and blogging life when I'm not out with my friends. And damn, my friends make me so happy and they mean so much to me. A romantic life is not in the equation because I'm not desperately looking for it. And I had a week of school that was actually looking up until I was feeling too ill to go yesterday, and now, today.

And it's making me think, am I actually miserable like the last time, but I've only been hiding it these past few days? Is there something I'm denying about how I feel? Am I withholding emotions that I don't want to let out?

I just gagged.

I'm heading to the doctor now to get some medication. I still don't want to eat anything. A big, fat steak would repulse me and make me puke up my stomach.

Shucks, I just gagged again. Talk to you all later.

---------------------------------------

Update @ 21:27: The doctor gave me five different pills to take. I have a really bad headache now in addition to the vomiting need. I just went to the bathroom, and basically let out whatever was left inside my body. I don't think there's any food matter inside me at all. I still don't have an appetite. I just feel tired. I'll be back later, I suppose, to give another update.