89 - What's my plan?

To be honest, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with a bachelor's degree in anthropology when I am awarded with it three years from now (with a specialization in European anthropology at that, by the way - it's a fancy course). About a year ago, I was pretty sure that this choice I made would contribute to a certain dream I had when I was a kid. I've said before that I want to be a top-class forensic anthropologist in the future, I've said I wanted to start my own homemade-style-of-cooking restaurant when I turn 21, I've said I wanted to go on a trip around the world with my best friend when I'm 25, and be sure to hit every single country on the planet while I'm at it. I've said before that I want to start settling down with someone when I'm roughly 28, have a kid or two before I'm 30, all the while keeping to my studies in English language, physiotherapy, and philosophy, while also working a full-time job as a forensic science anthropologist, maybe part-time teaching English, biology, or psychology. In addition to that, I will still have that restaurant, and by the time I'm 40, I will have opened up a café, a bar, a deli, and a nightclub, as well. As my kids start considering colleges while I'm roughly 45, I will already have a PhD in forensic science, and a handful of other qualifications in biological and social anthropology, English language, and business management. Even though it will be a high mountain to climb when I'm nearing 50, I will finally take up a medicine course, a dream I had since I was 15 but knew I didn't have the time, money or mindset to accomplish until I was much older. I will specialize in psychology, and have experience in pediatrics, Chinese medicine, neurology and mental health by the time I'm 60. Soon after I attain my second PhD, in psychology, I will leave my responsibilities at the hospital somewhere before 65 years old. I will be the owner of a dozen dining and drinking venues by then, I will reignite the candle that is my passion for travel, and I will continue to contribute to the world by enlightening those who wish to be talked to, at universities, hospitals, schools of business, private offices, high schools, medical schools, museums, libraries, and in lecture halls, classrooms, and anthropological, biological, psychological, and social research facilities, all over the US and the UK, Switzerland, Germany, Canada, China, Australia, Russia, and my childhood home, Hong Kong.

That is the brief plan that I've had in my head for a long time, and it feels good to have it all condensed into a paragraph as shown above, for my own reference, for my own reflection, for my own guidance, because it's a very big dream - a very, very, big dream that I'm now looking at as I sit here, barely started with my undergraduate course, at the beginning of my adulthood, at the beginning of the long lines of education and career that I will have when I die, and I'm now asking myself: How am I supposed to start a restaurant when I'm 21, and what am I supposed to do with a bachelor's degree in anthropology? How am I supposed to make my next step?

I will not accept advice from others, telling me that I'm still young, that I shouldn't think so much about the future because I will be disappointed, because I can never live in the moment, because it's unhealthy, and obsessive, and way over my head. I will not take suggestions from others, telling me that I should tone down my aspirations, because they're too big for me to handle. I will be sure to pace myself, and I will think about it as long and as seriously as I have to, to make sure this brief outline of my entire life for the next fifty years becomes my reality.

Now that that's understood, I would just like to confess that right now, I have no idea how to answer those two questions up there. That's all I'm saying - I'm slightly confused now. But I guess that's why it's a good thing that I have quite a while 'til I turn 21 and graduate with that anthropology degree, 'til I must pick a direction in which to steer.

Life is short, and life is long, life is what you make of it, and to live every second of it like it's your last is recommended. That's my uncouth, prosaic, and admittedly befuddling conclusion to this rambling for now.

What about you? Got any big plans for the future?

75 - So happy to have friends like them.

Yesterday was a long day, but a good one. I had a maths exam, which was very difficult, and there were just some questions I knew I would never figure out how to solve in or for my life. What can I say - I gave it my best shot? Like I always say, I don't worry too much about my academics. I'm fine not being top of the class, so long as I manage to pass and move on to university. Uni's not even my goal, it's just another two or three years of education, around which I don't let my whole world revolve. I see the purpose of it, it's important. But all I'll ever be passionate about in the future is actually working, to help people via my future job. I don't want to take school so seriously, because this is only just the beginning.

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So after the maths exam, I went to McDonald's with some friends for brunch, then went to play football. It was crazy hot and sunny, and even though I felt like shit kicking a ball around in the blazing heat after downing a big McDonald's breakfast, I loved the sun - it just makes me happy looking at my skin and noticing I'm a little darker. :)

We then went up to a friend's place, and we played games on his PS3 and his Wii. We had KFC for dinner, and by my friend's mother's insistence, pizza. We were too full to finish the pizza. All in all, it was a lot of fun to just relax for a day, to do some exercise, to get some sun, to spend time with people, to play some games. It's needed for me during exam period.

Anyway, soon after dinner, it was time to go home.

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I got home, and talked to my best friend for over two hours. His phone ran out of battery, so I started watching my downloaded TV shows.

Ever watched Survivor?

It's a reality show, where sixteen to twenty, normal, everyday people, are sent to an isolated location (e.g., Brazilian highlands, Australian outback, Amazonian rainforest), to work with, and compete against, each other for cash and other prizes, most notably 1 million US dollars for the winner.

I've watched all 18 seasons of the American version, and it's the show I've been most dedicated to, one of my favorites. After thirty or so days of being outcasted, towards the end of every season, they like to reward the remaining four/five/six contestants, by bringing their loved ones into the game for just a day. It boosts their morale, it reminds the final four/fix/six of what they went to compete for, and most important of all, it creates some emotional reality TV.

I was watching this moment, when the outcasts reunited with their loved ones. One had his father emerge from the bushes, one had her husband, one had his brother... And I thought about what if I were there? Who would be there to emerge from behind the bushes to see me?

Hands down, my best friend, without a doubt. He knows every little thing about my life, he can handle all my different levels of character, there is nothing that means more to me than him. I paused Survivor, and as I sat there, I imagined not being able to talk to my best friend after thirty days in harsh conditions with nothing that reminds me home, and I just teared up at how emotional this hypothetical situation would be.

But then I realized that when I leave for university, when I leave Hong Kong, and he stays here, I won't have him to call up any time I want in London, and that this hypothetical situation bears some resemblance to a very real and near future for me. My best friend and I will have to start working out the time differences, while juggling my new life and his, our new schools, our new friends and love interests, everything, if we even still have time to and want to keep in touch with each other. It will never be the same, the same as it has been since I first met him.

I just cried at the idea, of losing the ability to do something that we've been doing for so long, losing the person I know now, the one I've had for so long. It's no tragedy, and I'm not sad. I wasn't feeling sad even as I was crying.

They're sort of like tears of joy, I'm very happy that I have him now, and I feel so fortunate. But leaving him is simply something that's going to be hard to do. Can you imagine having to leave the person that you are closest to... the person you speak with everyday... the person that knows you more than anyone, the person you know so well?

It's merely one of those things that will happen, and would've happened earlier or later anyway, and at least I have three or four months left. I'll just miss what I have now, you know? And he's just the first of things I'll miss when I leave.

37 - My report card.

Oh, my God. I just received my report card. I haven't opened it yet, but they're right here in front of me.

I've always been a fairly alright student. I don't complain about the homework (because I don't see the point) and I don't worry too much about the results (because I don't see the point). I do care about my grades, but I generally don't worry about things in life. There's a difference between caring about something and worrying something.

So let's open this report card together, shall we? I'm already bracing myself for all the clichéd crap, but more importantly, I'm looking forward, even more, to reading between the lines so that I can find out what's really right or wrong with me as a student.

English - Exam: 80%, Average: 61%, Effort: 1, Achievement:A
I have been most impressed with the excellent progress Michael has been making particularly of late. He responds to the texts with maturity and insight and displays a genuine love of literature. He can speak and write about the texts with enthusiasm and flair and is developing a real sense of style in his writing. A first-rate term was rounded off with his fine examination result. With continued application I expect a very high grade from him next summer. Very well done!

I'll take that comment. I do genuinely love literature and writing, so it makes me happy that my English teacher is happy.

Mathematics - Exam: 42%, Average: 60%, Effort: 1, Achievement: B
What a pleasure it is to see Michael's academic maturation; he has become better organized and has taken on more responsibility for his own learning, developing an independent approach to his studies. Michael's examination technique will improve as he is exposed to more past papers.

What a load of crap. I skip a lot of Maths classes and I did quite poorly on my examination in my opinion. Maths is the hardest subject in our school, though, so 42% isn't that bad. I just feel I don't deserve a B for achievement or a 1 for effort. I'm a crap maths student.

Mandarin - Exam: 77%, Average: 74%, Effort: 1-, Achievement: B+
Michael has done well in IB paper 1, which has shown that he has made good progress in reading comprehension. However, his written paper still leaves some room for improvement. Apart from a well-thought out plan, he has to bear in mind that a development of ideas has to be focused on the topic. His vocabulary, as reflected in essay writing, is reasonable for the standard level, but he has to be careful of repeated errors in calligraphy. Michael is a co-operative student, and with some added efforts, I believe he will do well in May.

I agree with that. However, I need to rant about something. I can understand oral and written Chinese. I was born with it spoken all around me for my entire life. I hate the fact that we have to write essays and do orals when I do know Chinese as a second language. It's just hard learning another language, it always has been for me. I don't know. I don't want to learn Mandarin because it's just a joke, but I had to learn some language... I guess I'll look for ways to improve...

Chemistry - Exam: 54%, Average: 62%, Effort: 2, Achievement: C
Michael has not prepared well for his exams. Questions attempted show a lack of ability to even recall simple ideas. Many key concepts were not applied and his mediocre understanding does not reflect well for his summer exams. This unfortunately, was not unexpected. Michael has not worked consistently this term. When questioned directly in class discussions, an answer is often not given due to a lack of preparation prior to lessons. Michael must spend time immediately to compensate for gaps in his knowledge.

No argument there. I will work on it.

Physics - Exam:53%, Average: 71%, Effort: 1-, Achievement: C
Michael has always shown a healthy interest in physics but he has become increasingly focused on knowing more about applications of the theory over recent months. Disappointing examination results, however, show that he has not done sufficient revision to consolidate ideas to be able to apply them to a range of questions. With a determined effort I have no doubt he can improve, and yet he will also need to be careful not to miss any more classes. He will be in danger, not only of missing vital revision, but also of non-completion of the essential coursework.

This one hit me hard. I always used to be good at mathematics and science, but now I'm faltering in my ability to keep all the theory in my mind. I will work on it.

Economics - Exam: 57%, Average: 81%, Effort: 1, Achievement: A-
Michael should be pleased with the grasp he has established of this subject, though this was not reflected in his recent examination. He has consolidated much of the material that has been covered and is now more comprehensive in the development of his written work. Poor question choice was primarily to blame for his examination mark, and I feel that he will continue to bring together the separate parts of this course and strengthen further his understanding. In class, Michael is engaged and he actively participates. More of the same next term will pay dividends. Well done, Michael.

'will pay dividends'. Funny thing for an economics teacher to say. I wonder if he uses any other technical terms in my classmates' report cards.

Theory of Knowledge - Effort: 1, Achievement: A
Michael produced an excellent essay and overcame his usual reserve to play a confident part in a very successful group presentation. There there is nothing to stop him doing very well next term, when the final assessments take place.

That's the way I roll. A confident part, whoopee.

Form Tutor Report
Michael is taking more responsibility for his progress and will reflect on his experience of the mock examinations; hopefully, he will be balanced in his self-assessment, giving credit for the progress made and not focusing solely on areas needing improvement. There is still plenty of time for Michael to refine his examination technique; this good set of reports from his teachers should remind Michael to have confidence in his own ability.

I'm confused. I'm confident. Perhaps with no right to be for some subjects. I will work on my Mandarin, Chemistry, Maths and Physics. With no further ado, let me get back to my homework now.