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It's getting to the time of the year where it really is a true testament to how dedicated I really am with my blogging. I said I would write in all my blogs regularly, but the simple fact of the matter is - inspiration and creativity only comes to you in patches, for only certain times in a given day, week, month, year, or point in your life. There's also the added matter of having to live with a billion others things to do as well. Oh, the perilous life of university murders my soul...
I find that I'm feeling really writery (writerish?) right now, so I think the only way I'm ever going to manage getting something published frequently on all three of my current blogs, is if I just prepare posts beforehand right here, right now, as I feel imaginative, innovative, prolific with ideas.
Don't you think that's so smart?
I think it's genius. But whether I'm going to get distracted while I'm in the middle of writing this upcoming week's posts is an issue of concern. Oh, well. Let's see what happens.
When was the last time you finished a book?
The last time I did was over a month ago, and I find that's quite a shame. There's so much to get done here at university, that you don't even realize the days are flying by. It's already nearing November, and I haven't done any studying of any kind, I haven't started on any essays, I haven't found a part-time job, and I don't know - it seems like I haven't done anything except buy food, eat the food, go to sleep, relax in my room and engage in unproductive shenanigans on the computer.
I'm going to have to start getting serious, first, by tidying up my messy room with books, papers, and food spread out all over the desk, the nightstand, the shelves and the floor. Then, take some clothes to the laundry, and iron the clothes that came out of the laundry over a week ago.
Poo.
I already was having a perfectly lovely day today, but the icing on the cake was the moment I got home, checked my e-mail, and saw that I received an offer from a university. I clicked on several links, and soon enough, I found out I was given a conditional offer from University College London (UCL).
UCL is one the most prestigious schools in the UK, and the world, especially in the field of anthropology, the field of study I would like to pursue. Three months ago, I thought applying there was a long shot, but I wanted to take the shot nonetheless, because UCL could stand as my ideal institution.
As of now, my decision is to head to the UK, live in the heart of London, and study at UCL, this fall. I'm really excited.
I feel ecstatic that I got in. I hope all you bloggers out there get what you've been hoping for too.
I just got a conditional offer from the University of Kent in the UK, but you know what?
Hip hip no hurray, because I'm damn tired of school. I hate to be a complainer like the rest of them, but I think I deserve the right to rant and protest like an archetypal adolescent after seventeen years of not complaining. I'm so sick of each and every one of my subjects ruining my meals, my sleep, my weekends and my daily livelihood. Why do Hong Kong schools need to be this way? Why do international schools need to be this way? Why does the final year of high school have to be this way? I hate complaining, I hate complaining about this so much because I know it only gets more difficult and pressured in university and at work. So what if I get an offer? I still have to apply for scholarships and student visas. I need to sign up for financial aid thanks to my parents' crummy divorce , familiarize myself with the course, buy new textbooks and get myself a part-time job as soon as possible. When it comes time to leave, I have to make plans to see everybody, I have to make plans to see the right people in the university/country of my choice, say goodbye to everybody and everything I know here, pack up everything in my room to move somewhere else 'cause God knows I can't afford to fly back any time soon. The way life is going to be in the next six to eight months is simply not humane to me.
I don't feel like a robot. I feel more like the living dead, my body's degradation after so many years of attaining education has caused me to become so pessimistic and tired. I want to fall asleep on my own accord, whether it be in bed or on the bus to school or on the plane going to holiday and not have a pen in my hand or my textbook on the floor or my laptop on my lap when I wake up. It kills me that my room is such a mess, with books, sheets and folders lying around everywhere. I'm so worn out and lazy whenever I catch a break that I can't even walk out of my room to dump my school clothes into the laundry basket, or even walk out to throw out the countless boxes and plastic bags that used to contain takeout.
I'm tired of staying up so late trying to slam out 1,500-word essays, only to wake up to 200 words done. I'm tired of waking up at the very last minute, to rush to school, to rush to school to finish those darn essays. I want to take a proper fucking shower, I want there to be enough time to wash my fucking hair. I want time to read and to watch my television series without a pile of homework sitting next to me, without a spreadsheet or a word document open on my monitor. I want time to really spend time with my family and friends. Gosh, I'm not even attending a very important Chinese family gathering because I have to work.
What do I have to work on? Well, let's see... There's the 4000-word essay on Hell that I was meant to finish in September 2008, I have a Math portfolio that isn't a bit of fun at all, there's Theory of Knowledge essay and presentation ideas to come up with, Mandarin group oral as well as a Mandarin essay, the data response I have to do for Economics, as well as two portfolio assessments, an oral commentary for English to prepare, four Chemistry practicals, on the titration curves for four different types of neutralization reactions, the hydrolysis of dihalogenoalkanes and the oxidation states of vanadium, the Chemistry past paper to complete, notes to copy down from Physics and Economics because I missed one lesson of each subject thanks to my oversleeping and another three practicals to write up for Physics, to do with the half-life of brick dust, Planck's constant and the Hertzsprung-Russell diagram, all of which, I'm sorry, might as well be mixed with dry twigs and leaves to make fuel for a bonfire because I don't give two shits about any of it.
I trick myself, my classmates and my teachers into believing so because it's right. What I really care about is my damn happiness, health and well-being and sorry if this sounds shockingly self-centered but I am worried that I do not live happily, healthily or well. I hate complaining about school, I've never believed in complaining about it, but this is what I swallow because I know hatred towards school is not the right mindset for a student. I just need to be more efficient with my work. It's such a pain in the neck, but fine, back to work. If you're going through Hell, keep going, right? That's the motto, so I've heard, on this blog...
Talk to all of you folks later...
Oh, my God. I just received my report card. I haven't opened it yet, but they're right here in front of me.
I've always been a fairly alright student. I don't complain about the homework (because I don't see the point) and I don't worry too much about the results (because I don't see the point). I do care about my grades, but I generally don't worry about things in life. There's a difference between caring about something and worrying something.
So let's open this report card together, shall we? I'm already bracing myself for all the clichéd crap, but more importantly, I'm looking forward, even more, to reading between the lines so that I can find out what's really right or wrong with me as a student.
English - Exam: 80%, Average: 61%, Effort: 1, Achievement:A
I have been most impressed with the excellent progress Michael has been making particularly of late. He responds to the texts with maturity and insight and displays a genuine love of literature. He can speak and write about the texts with enthusiasm and flair and is developing a real sense of style in his writing. A first-rate term was rounded off with his fine examination result. With continued application I expect a very high grade from him next summer. Very well done!
I'll take that comment. I do genuinely love literature and writing, so it makes me happy that my English teacher is happy.
Mathematics - Exam: 42%, Average: 60%, Effort: 1, Achievement: B
What a pleasure it is to see Michael's academic maturation; he has become better organized and has taken on more responsibility for his own learning, developing an independent approach to his studies. Michael's examination technique will improve as he is exposed to more past papers.
What a load of crap. I skip a lot of Maths classes and I did quite poorly on my examination in my opinion. Maths is the hardest subject in our school, though, so 42% isn't that bad. I just feel I don't deserve a B for achievement or a 1 for effort. I'm a crap maths student.
Mandarin - Exam: 77%, Average: 74%, Effort: 1-, Achievement: B+
Michael has done well in IB paper 1, which has shown that he has made good progress in reading comprehension. However, his written paper still leaves some room for improvement. Apart from a well-thought out plan, he has to bear in mind that a development of ideas has to be focused on the topic. His vocabulary, as reflected in essay writing, is reasonable for the standard level, but he has to be careful of repeated errors in calligraphy. Michael is a co-operative student, and with some added efforts, I believe he will do well in May.
I agree with that. However, I need to rant about something. I can understand oral and written Chinese. I was born with it spoken all around me for my entire life. I hate the fact that we have to write essays and do orals when I do know Chinese as a second language. It's just hard learning another language, it always has been for me. I don't know. I don't want to learn Mandarin because it's just a joke, but I had to learn some language... I guess I'll look for ways to improve...
Chemistry - Exam: 54%, Average: 62%, Effort: 2, Achievement: C
Michael has not prepared well for his exams. Questions attempted show a lack of ability to even recall simple ideas. Many key concepts were not applied and his mediocre understanding does not reflect well for his summer exams. This unfortunately, was not unexpected. Michael has not worked consistently this term. When questioned directly in class discussions, an answer is often not given due to a lack of preparation prior to lessons. Michael must spend time immediately to compensate for gaps in his knowledge.
No argument there. I will work on it.
Physics - Exam:53%, Average: 71%, Effort: 1-, Achievement: C
Michael has always shown a healthy interest in physics but he has become increasingly focused on knowing more about applications of the theory over recent months. Disappointing examination results, however, show that he has not done sufficient revision to consolidate ideas to be able to apply them to a range of questions. With a determined effort I have no doubt he can improve, and yet he will also need to be careful not to miss any more classes. He will be in danger, not only of missing vital revision, but also of non-completion of the essential coursework.
This one hit me hard. I always used to be good at mathematics and science, but now I'm faltering in my ability to keep all the theory in my mind. I will work on it.
Economics - Exam: 57%, Average: 81%, Effort: 1, Achievement: A-
Michael should be pleased with the grasp he has established of this subject, though this was not reflected in his recent examination. He has consolidated much of the material that has been covered and is now more comprehensive in the development of his written work. Poor question choice was primarily to blame for his examination mark, and I feel that he will continue to bring together the separate parts of this course and strengthen further his understanding. In class, Michael is engaged and he actively participates. More of the same next term will pay dividends. Well done, Michael.
'will pay dividends'. Funny thing for an economics teacher to say. I wonder if he uses any other technical terms in my classmates' report cards.
Theory of Knowledge - Effort: 1, Achievement: A
Michael produced an excellent essay and overcame his usual reserve to play a confident part in a very successful group presentation. There there is nothing to stop him doing very well next term, when the final assessments take place.
That's the way I roll. A confident part, whoopee.
Form Tutor Report
Michael is taking more responsibility for his progress and will reflect on his experience of the mock examinations; hopefully, he will be balanced in his self-assessment, giving credit for the progress made and not focusing solely on areas needing improvement. There is still plenty of time for Michael to refine his examination technique; this good set of reports from his teachers should remind Michael to have confidence in his own ability.
I'm confused. I'm confident. Perhaps with no right to be for some subjects. I will work on my Mandarin, Chemistry, Maths and Physics. With no further ado, let me get back to my homework now.
Here's a collective record of all the grades I've gotten from Primary 1 to Primary 6, and from Secondary 1 to Secondary 7. I've received two or three grades a year, but I'll just include the end-of-year results, i.e. the ones that matter, except, of course, for Secondary 7 which I'm still studying. For that year, I'll post the half-year grades I received last month instead:
P1 - ABP2 - AA
P3 - AAAAAAAAB
P4 - AAAAAABBBB
P5 - AAAAAAAABB
P6 - AAAAABBBBBB
S1 - **AAAAABBBBBBC
S2 - ***AAAAABBBBE
S3 - **AAAAAAAABB
S4 - AAAAABBBBBC
S5 - *AAAAAABBBC
S6 - AAABBBBC
S7 - AAAABBBB
Not to say I'm unfit, but the Cs I get are usually from Physical Education. I don't excel in most of the common sports such as basketball, tennis and hockey. I'm happy sticking with my pseudosports, bowling, snooker and golf. I say pseudosports because you don't run around in any of them, and you don't sweat as much (although, there are some exhilarating games where you will require some sort of energy drink.)
The E that I received in Secondary 2 was from Music class. At the time, I didn't know how to play any musical instruments. The music teacher was a pedantic one and disapproved of my rendition of Chopsticks, claiming it wasn't a 'valid' solo performance. I got 2 out of 25 possible marks for my performance and that equated to an E.
As you can clearly see, I've always been an A- and B-grade student. For those of you who are unsure of what the asterisk represents, it's a 'star', which is even better than an A. I don't really know how it is in any other school, but in our school, standing out academically is difficult. You would think a bunch of As and Bs is impressive, but not when compared to my classmates who receive grades not unsimilar to say, this one: **AAAAAA, or this one: *****AAA or even this one: *******A.
Seven stars and one A. That is insane. And extremely admirable. The fact that they have the capability to actually obtain close to the maximum standard of education in an official educational program is a fact that blows my mind.
Here's the thing. I know that I'm capable of that too. We all are if we study hard enough, pay attention in class, ask the teacher a million insightful questions, yadda, yadda, yadda... but even though I have a habit of procrastinating and cramming my head with revision material at the very last minute, I am fine with the As and Bs that I get, because I believe in the concept of no regrets. I don't and won't regret being just an A- and B-grade student, because in my heart, an A always stand for Amazing Achievement and B will stand for Brilliant. I don't need a star to make me feel good. I feel okay getting As and Bs because I know I tried my best the way I felt was best. I'm alright with it because I won't regret it.
A lot of my friends often feel like shit whenever they receive a bad mark for a poorly done piece of homework, or when they come out of an examination knowing that they haven't done as well as they could have. If we're being objective, most of the time, the reason they feel like shit is because they actually receive bad grades. There is also, of course, the pressure on one's shoulders that comes from parents that want to raise highly scholastic sons and daughters. And there is the feeling of inadequacy that people experience while living and learning amongst geniuses.
But, my advice is this: If you feel alright with yourself, that's all you need to do well in life. If you know you're lacking in some areas, then you really need to work, but if you truly feel comfortable with what you're rewarded with, that's okay. If you spend your time feeling worried, stupid or insecure, you will truly have more to regret in due time. I have been taught this lesson (and still get taught this lesson) many times, and this message doesn't only apply to school, but work, friendship, love and life as well. I don't regret missing the opportunity to get all those stars in the past few years. My strengths are for me to define for myself. You can define them too.
What are your strengths? What sort of As and Bs have you received that you see as stars?
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