103 - On my big dreaming

I've been thinking about getting a Twitter account, but am not entirely sure if I'm up for it. There's a lot of ideas brewing in my mind at the moment, and I think I want to list them all out just so I can then focus on what I want to do. So here it goes:

My profile
I don't like my profile. I don't know why. I'll have to perhaps wipe it all off and start on a clean canvas just to paint the perfect picture I want.

Do you hate it too?
I need to keep posting daily, and I need to sign on to more blog directories and communities (like Twitter). I might possibly do a slight reformatting as well, but nothing too drastic, just maybe add a few more widgets and fun stuff on the side bars. As for The Book, I will need to start picking out fifty posts, what I reckon would sell to consumers everywhere, put them in a single word document, do a bit of editing and formatting. I need to pitch a concept for the cover to my best friend, who is quite skilled in the world of photography and graphic design. My other close friend might also be interested in writing a foreword for me. [To-do reading: the publishing process, marketing and advertising, how to work together with your mom, how to be even funnier]

"If you're going through Hell, keep going."
I sometimes feel like this blog is a bit of a mixture of loads of different blog themes put together. Sometimes, I talk about my travels, sometimes I talk about my past, sometimes I talk about my feelings, and sometimes I just post up a Youtube video. Despite the versatility, I feel that it's not really encapsulating my whole self - I still don't talk about the TV shows I watch, the anthropology course I study, the books I read, or where I want to go in the future. In the end, I meant for this to be about my daily life, and it's just really difficult to stay focused on that, when everything else also occupies my mind. Which is why my solution is going to be...

Anthropology blog
I've been doing quite a lot of reading since I've been here in university, and it's starting to get on my nerves how long it's taking me to actually announce the commencement of this blog. The problem is that I just haven't sat down yet to get started on posting anything on it, and well, now I'm pissed at myself, to be honest. So, I vow to post something on there this weekend, because it has to start some time. And if I just can't be bothered, I know I'll be guilted into doing on Monday morning, I'm sure of it. [To-do reading: nature of anthropological study, history of mankind, Sicilian women, the Kwaio, the Azande, loads of other societies...]

Youtube blog
I have a good friend who lives in Hong Kong, and whenever I ask her what she's doing, more often than not, she's going on Youtube. I, myself, have found a lot of funny, intriguing, thought-provoking videos there, and I thought it would be a good idea to start a blog with this friend of mine. Together, we find one video to post on it everyday, and whoever found the video will briefly talk about why it's worthy of your attention. I'm quite excited about this, but with our schedules, we said we would officially release this blog in mid-February. But anyway, just something to think about for now. [To-do reading: video-sharing rights, joint ventures]

Television blog
I felt like I wasn't being myself with that television blog I started, and consequentially, shut down a couple months back. I was being forced to write about everything when I didn't want to, I wrote reviews for some reason. What I really wanted to write about instead was about the thoughts that TV shows provoked in me, because writers put forward ideas that sometimes make quite an impact on the way I think after watching them. I'll try and get to reopening that one around the holiday season, 'cause I was quite unhappy that that didn't work out the first time.

Travel blog
When I turn 25, my best friend and I are leaving our lives behind to travel the entire world in all its power and beauty for however long it takes. We mean it when we say we'll do it, and everything we're doing in the next seven years is to make that voyage possible. We're learning languages, we're doing a lot of reading, and we're only in university, and soon to be working, so that we can earn money to give us steady beginnings as we get accustomed to the traveler's life when we first set out. In my reading, I've been finding a lot of interesting things about how to prepare for such a trip, and information on a lot of places we might want to visit on the trip. This journey requires a whole lot of planning (seven years worth of it), so perhaps compiling them in a blog as a pre-world trip logbook might interest some readers? [To-do reading: travelogues, other world trip experiences, travel destinations]

Hm. I feel a bit better now, 'cause all of that was getting difficult to keep in my head. All six blogs, I have passion for, but I'm a tad concerned about whether I can handle it. Somewhere in my heart, I know that the hard work will pay off, and that this is one of those things that I'm meant to do in this stage of my life. I play no musical instruments, and I do no sports - this is my talent, and I have to embrace it. All I can do is hope for personal fulfillment, recognition and happiness, so might as well hope for more... might as well dream big.

87 - A page from the diary

The UK is not as glamorous as I hoped it would be. It's hoped for, but also expected. And it's just as well. There is no need for me to get caught up in my foolish fantasies of a brand new sparkling study environment in England. At the moment, I can't say that I miss home terribly, but then again, I am unable to say that I am happy to be here either.

The trip was long, but not that I'm complaining. New Zealander air service is pretty good, very hospitable. Their meals weren't stellar or very filling, but at least it was tasty enough, and at least it was food.

I was admittedly too mindful of everything important to do with my time and my money and my traveling that I did not fully appreciate Heathrow Airport or the London underground. I wish we had the time for me to walk a bit slower, and to speculate on Britishness at my own pace, but the friend who welcomed me at the airport, and myself, were too time-pressed, and it was impossible for me to mentally gather my comments on every little thing. I wish we had the time to maybe surface to the streets of London and have a look around. I guess I'll have to find the time alone one weekend to explore London town.

But I really think I should start memorizing the Canterbury region first as best I can, like the badass motherfucker-rememberer I was back in Hong Kong.

The first thing I noticed as I stepped out of the Arrivals gate is that everybody is very English. I guess that's a stupid thing to say, as England is obviously going to seem very English, but it's a fact nonetheless that I took note of in my head as I was making my way to Canterbury. I wish I could put my finger on why that was so noticeable to me initially, but I think summarizing the entire British population's behavior in one specific description is too tricky a task.

Anyway, the dormitory room that I am staying in is really standard. There is nothing special about it, and it will need a lot of touching up in order to make it feel like home. At least I've got beer coasters from my first job, and photos of my family and friends, to pin to my cork noticeboard and remind me of where I came from. I miss my old bartending job. I suppose I will feel differently and a bit better once lectures begin and I can then focus my mind on a routinely focusable process once more.

This room needs books most of all. I can already feel my IQ dropping as I lie in this bare room with empty excuses for bookshelves.

I wish I had someone I knew with me to experience this with. I guess loneliness and acceptance of always being on my own will be something I'll learn really quickly, lest I might enter a state of depression.

Ultimately, though, I like the internal struggle I have going on inside me. It is difficult to be here, to have traveled here all by myself, to study and to live here, and to make a helluvan effort to meet new people and socialize, but it's all towards this bigger, more important goal.

I am not living in reality anymore.

I am living my dream.