116 - Destiny?

Do you believe in destiny?

If you've seen that episode of Friends where Phoebe thinks a British cheese factory owner and Monica are soul mates, you'll know the two sides of the argument clearly. When you see a well-established couple together, you may wonder if whether their seemingly natural compatibility sprouts from having a strong, deep-seated chemistry, or whether it is a testament to how much they tolerate each other's flaws and learn to appreciate each other's differences.

It's hard for me to say whether I believe in fate bringing people together or fate bringing good things to my doorstep. Think of it like agnosticism, replacing God with the concept of destiny. (I am agnostic in the common sense of the word as well, though.) I just don't know.

On the one hand, I believe in working hard at relationships, tolerating people and obstacles in my life, from my best friend's suppression of his inner feelings when I ask how he is, through my mother's repetitive reminders to maintain my own good health and safety, to the long, hard hours of work I put in to my summer job to afford myself an iPhone.

On the other hand, there are friends that I have that are so chemically compatible with me that it's incredibly difficult for me to say that that came about by random chance. There is no need to work hard at anything, because it naturally works so well. How is it possible that these people who have been brought up differently, in a different place, by different parents, can get along with me so unbelievably well right from the getgo?

I fluctuate. Sometimes I believe there are ghosts watching our every move. Sometimes, I think we just die. Sometimes, I have faith in an almighty God, and I really, really do a few good deeds, in fear of going to Hell. And at other times, I think microbiological and astrological evidence prove that there certainly is no Lord. And sometimes, when I'm thinking about the close friends I've had, or the good life I have, I believe that that has to be fate - in no way did I earn that, it came to me like a blessing from God. And at other times, I think destiny is a load of poppycock. I worked hard to get to where I am, I made an effort to keep all my relationships healthy and intact.

Destiny. What an interesting idea.

99 - On a 'Do you hate it too?' book.

If you have read my last entry on Do you hate it too?, you will know that my blog has been well-praised. This got my mother very excited, and she pushed an idea forward for me to consider: publishing a Do you hate it too? book.

When I first began doing this about a year ago, I had already begun to think about compiling them all up one day and putting them in a publication. 'Why I didn't do it earlier' is a question I often answered with weak claims that I'm too lazy, can't be bothered, or haven't got the time for, but to be entirely truthful, it's because I don't think it's good enough. I still feel like it really is just me giving a childish rant everyday, and honestly, what contribution to the world do I give, by exerting negativity within the blogosphere?

I know I make people laugh, but in the end, I cannot collaborate with, let's say, an anger management-orientated business, seeing as I don't offer tips on how to deal with the hates I write about. I don't give advice on how to use the English language, or how to deal with stress, or how to focus on thinking positively - even though that's what you would associate with my blog, if it were just a little bit different.

But it is the way that it is, and being an active consumer of the book-selling market myself, I know that this would merely sell as one of those silly books uncles buy for their nieces, and mothers would refuse to spend money on for their children. 'How about this novel on vampires, sweetie', 'Check out this book about dinosaurs' and 'Trevor, come see if you'd like this one full of brain teasers' they would chime. The blatent truth is, I believe Do you hate it too? is silly.

I need people who can change my mind about this, so if you have any words of encouragement, please share them with me, because I'm in a place with no self-confidence right now. I would love to begin this whole adventure right now, to find a distributor, to format a book, to sell it online, and to watch it sell on shelves in Hong Kong, Canada, the US and the UK. I probably would anyway to my mother's insistence, even if I still don't believe in the book.

But I know that if I don't believe in my own work, it won't be a success.

Sigh. What do you think? Any words of advice?