97 - On insomnia.

I have an aversion to sleep - although, nowadays, I often pass out on my bed anyway - something I didn't do before. Back in my heyday, around four, five, six years ago, I would go on living with around only five hours of sleep per week. I loved to stay up late, I felt so great having so much time to play pointless online games (after completing all of my homework, of course), and read stuff online.

Now, I feel like my quota for time spent awake is finally running low. I can't help but to fall asleep, sometimes at the most obscure and inconvenient times - right before a lecture, right before a party, right before the sun comes up, right before lunchtime. I'm trying to stay awake, and when my mind can't take it any longer, it compels me to draw the curtains shut, turn the lights off, and simply catch some desperately needed rest, whether or not I have somewhere to be in a few hours, regardless of whether or not I believe I'm going to be able to get up later or not. My case is serious, because I will really throw away all of my obligations and responsibilities—my classes, my family time, my job—just to stay in bed another five minutes longer, ten minutes longer, oops, what time is it?... eight hours have gone by?... I'm screwed, might as well go back to sleep... ZZZzzzzzz.........

Honestly, I have Googled ways to increase insomnic ability. It's a little bit sad, and that's right, I call it an ability. Because if I could just push through another few hours without rest each day, I would be able to do so much more. The pile of things I wish I could tend to gets taller and taller everyday, and at an exponential rate. I've been warned before, about how it's bad for my skin, and bad for my eyes, and bad for my brain to stay awake over overly long hours of the day, but I don't care. I want to sleep less. It's only because I used to be the best at it back in the day that makes me stubborn, and in denial of the fact that I'm not the young man I was a few years ago, capable of doing things that my now tired body cannot.

Sigh.