119 - Fighting against spontaneity

The greatest obstacle I have had to overcome since employing my brand new, to-the-half-hour, timetable is the phenomenon of spontaneity, in all things that just happen to happen to me throughout the course of my day without my preconception or any preparation. These things come in the form of friends asking me to go out to get drunk with them, waking up to a hangover, not waking up at all, and impetuously saturating feelings of boredom, hunger and tiredness, and unexpected urges to go meet up with someone and have a chat, and simply 'hang out' with them for hours.

These things can't be planned, and my time management skills have suffered a hit due to it.

There is also the problem of prioritizing in my head. Even though I allotted a time to finish this heap of work later today, I cannot do anything this morning or early afternoon, without worrying about what a heap it really is. I feel like I should probably ditch everything else and get straight to the work, finish it, and then I can go back to my schedule. After all, it's for university, it should take priority.

But after thinking about it, I think it would be better to fight that worry, and learn to let it go until it is the time I set aside for work. Because after all, blogging here, having an hour for lunch, having time to read, and go on Facebook, all of this that I've also set aside time for, is meant to help me achieve some sort of balance between my leisurely and working hours.

And what's stopping me from saying to myself, "Oh, my God, I really want to finish the rest of this book", or "The new episode is finally out, I've got to watch it now!" Those hasty impulses are no different from the work I have to do for university. In the same way, I would be prioritizing the way I want to prioritize it in that moment in time. And by taking that approach, I would then find myself in a situation where I managed to finish reading a book, but completely missed the deadline for my work. Or maybe a situation where I did do all of my work to the best of my ability, but then stayed up later that night to watch that new episode - only to find myself tired and sleepy when I have to get up the next morning.

And so the key to all of this is to just stick with the schedule. Always stick to the schedule that you, in your right mind, had planned for earlier in the weekend, knowing yourself, knowing the kind of person you are and the things you like to do, knowing how lazy you are on Monday evenings, knowing how hard-working you could be on Saturdays after lunch, knowing how much you like to sleep in on Sundays, knowing how long it sometimes takes for you to have dinner, or to log off Facebook once you go on it.

So here is my post for today. It said that I have to today. And now that I'm finished, I have half an hour free. Maybe I could go see what my friend is doing. Or I could get started on my lunch. Have a shower? Do some reading? Get some work done?

Before I even realize it, the schedule will get me to be so efficient that I will then free up a lot of time to actually do whatever, like going out to get drunk, or having a quick nap before a lecture. The golden rule of thumb, I think, is to always follow the schedule.

97 - On insomnia.

I have an aversion to sleep - although, nowadays, I often pass out on my bed anyway - something I didn't do before. Back in my heyday, around four, five, six years ago, I would go on living with around only five hours of sleep per week. I loved to stay up late, I felt so great having so much time to play pointless online games (after completing all of my homework, of course), and read stuff online.

Now, I feel like my quota for time spent awake is finally running low. I can't help but to fall asleep, sometimes at the most obscure and inconvenient times - right before a lecture, right before a party, right before the sun comes up, right before lunchtime. I'm trying to stay awake, and when my mind can't take it any longer, it compels me to draw the curtains shut, turn the lights off, and simply catch some desperately needed rest, whether or not I have somewhere to be in a few hours, regardless of whether or not I believe I'm going to be able to get up later or not. My case is serious, because I will really throw away all of my obligations and responsibilities—my classes, my family time, my job—just to stay in bed another five minutes longer, ten minutes longer, oops, what time is it?... eight hours have gone by?... I'm screwed, might as well go back to sleep... ZZZzzzzzz.........

Honestly, I have Googled ways to increase insomnic ability. It's a little bit sad, and that's right, I call it an ability. Because if I could just push through another few hours without rest each day, I would be able to do so much more. The pile of things I wish I could tend to gets taller and taller everyday, and at an exponential rate. I've been warned before, about how it's bad for my skin, and bad for my eyes, and bad for my brain to stay awake over overly long hours of the day, but I don't care. I want to sleep less. It's only because I used to be the best at it back in the day that makes me stubborn, and in denial of the fact that I'm not the young man I was a few years ago, capable of doing things that my now tired body cannot.

Sigh.