130 - Deep thoughts

I enjoy deep thought a lot. The deeper the better. Thinking about thinking about thinking about thinking is like achieving a perfectly cooked steak. (Seriously, try it. Betcha can't get past the third 'thinking'.) As much as I would like to 'live in the moment' and just 'go with it', I find that lying in the subconscious are tons of wonderful things to stimulate the mind and really make you wonder about the purpose of all that's around you and the meaning that lies within your own existence. People always tell me I overthink things too much, but I have to disagree. I think having reasons for every aspect of what I do, what I feel, and what I believe, is important and useful because it gives me justification for my actions, it gives me direction and clarifies my goals, and it helps me improve myself when I focus on what I do wrong exactly.

Today is just a rambling, because my mind is quite tired at the moment from over six hours of this continual thought. I guess deep thought is only good for me in short amounts. Before I wrote these paragraphs, I wanted to talk about a great number of things, which I won't bore myself with now, but a rave is what I've decided to finally publish here, because I just cannot decide on one thing to talk about.

One thing that really saddens me is the fact that not many people out there are willing to get into a deep and meaningful conversation (a phenomenon my ex-classmates used to abbreviate to the term, 'DMC's'). Most people just like to stay with superficial chit-chat, which is not a bad thing at all in my opinion - just not my cup of tea. It doesn't sadden me because I think it's pathetic to discuss things that are shallower, it saddens me because I just don't know how to talk about things like that for prolonged periods of time, and it isolates me, and makes me different from others.

But I think that everybody needs to have DMC's every now and then, and it sort of compensates for my loneliness when people come to me to talk about serious things. I like being the one they can come to, and even rely on to sort out other people's problems. I may lose my usefulness once the conversation topic lightens up, but at least I did my part in bringing them past the thorny parts. And that's all I really want to say today. Goodnight.

114 - Sans, Saints and Ports

 There's a game that I've played around seventy times - and the challenge of the game lies in naming all the countries you possibly can. For me, it no longer is about the number of countries I manage to get, but a race against the clock to try and beat my own record of guessing all 195 nations correctly in 4 minutes and 8 seconds. (If you'd like to try, here's a link.)

This winter holiday, I decided to take advantage of the extra time I have and learn all 195 capitals. (Again, if you'd like to try, a link) I only have around 15 African capitals left to memorize, and then I will have them all down. I am surprised at the number of countries that have a capital city beginning with 'B'. (Just to illustrate: Baghdad, Baku, Bamako, Bandar Seri Begawan, Bangkok, Bangui, Banjul, Basseterre, Beijing, Beirut, Belfast, Belgrade, Belmopan, Berlin, Bishkek, Bissau, Bogotá, Brasília, Bratislava, Brazzaville, Bridgetown, Brussels, Bucharest, Budapest, Buenos Aires, Bujumbura.) It annoys me greatly, as you can imagine.

My next venture will be to study a great number of the islands, rivers, lakes, seas, bays, streams, gorges, dams, volcanoes, mountain ranges, deserts, forests and rainforests in the world, then to memorize the three largest metropolitan cities of each and every country, then to familiarize myself with all the UNESCO sites around the world, and finally, to know the detailed geography of a handful of countries like the back of my hand, possibly just the G8, perhaps the G8+5, perchance the G20, maybe the G77 - Hell, maybe all of them.

Why do I want to do this?

I don't know. This is just one of those things that people do for no reason because it makes them feel good. Who knows whether one day this might come in handy on an everyday basis, or whether I will never implement this knowledge before the day I die.

Who cares?

It's fun to me.

113 - It's that time again.

I'm not that entirely sure of what I should type in this vast, white space that Blogger provides me with to rant, rave and ramble about my personal thoughts and happenings, my mind is quite blank itself, just like the canvas that I now imprint my words on to, empty like the plate I fed myself from an hour or so ago that's now in the dishwasher, cleared and cleaned, leaving the bare china for use once again. But I feel obliged to say something because it is New Year's Eve, and because 2010 arrives at my chronological doorstep in less than three hours.

So, I guess the standard action to take would be to talk about what I've done and learned in 2009. Honestly, I've done and learned a lot, but I don't wish to bore you with the details right now. So perhaps I will just give you a list, because I like lists:

 - I turned 18.
 - All of my friends turned 18.
 - I went through my high school exams.
 - I got paid for the first time, working a bartending job.
 - I said goodbye to everybody I knew.
 - I moved to England, and met a lot of people at university.
 - For the first time in a long time, I didn't spend my winter holidays in Hong Kong.
 - I found ways to deal with sadness, loneliness and confusing friendships.
 - My bond with my parents and my best friend grew even stronger.
 - I continued to blog and now have plans to publish a book next May.

2009 could've been a really emotional year. A lot more emotional than it actually turned out to be. But I think I fulfilled the resolution I made last year, which was to learn how to control my emotions, and be more positive in my everyday life. Becoming an official adult meant that I had to stop reacting so childishly and impulsively to bad things happening to me, moving to England and meeting new people tested my inner strength and forced me to find happiness and comfort from within, and working as a bartender in the summer meant that I had to practice customer service and be more tolerant of annoying people.

While going through all of this, I've now found a new set of challenges too. I've found that time management is something I'm really lacking. I don't know how to sort out myself to fit my sleeping time, my working time, my studying time, my socializing time and my relaxing time into the same schedule. With my current prospects to publish a Do you hate it too? book, and manage six or seven blogs by the end of next year, while juggling my second year of university, finding a house to live in next September, and starting to get serious about my trip around the world in seven years, I have to work hard at trying to comprehend the exact essence of which time is.

With the management of time comes the management of my money, my learning capabilities, my priorities, and my sense of responsibility. Basically, my New Year resolution, I think, will be to strive for orderliness and organization in my life.

All the while, making sure I continue to keep my emotions in check, of course. We don't want the past coming back to haunt me.

So, I've already prepared a fairly detailed schedule that gives me space to work, read, sleep, eat, blog, watch TV, and do other useless crap (e.g., Facebook, Sporcle, Twitter, sleep some more...). I'm confident that the schedule will be effective and that the idea of it being a new year, being a new chance, will keep me motivated enough to actually fulfill this resolution like I did with the last one I made.

If you've come over here from Do you hate it too?, once again, I say Happy New Year, my readers.

If you didn't, then I give you a virtual hug and wish you all the best in 2010.

Remember guys, if all is looking glum, there's always a way to work things out. E-mail me if you ever need to. Just keep in mind the message passed down to us by Winston Churchill: If you're going through Hell, keep going.